Instagram "Editing"

                                                                 (from ehow.com)

Everywhere I look, people are posting self-portraits in various looks and styles. Though the composition and subjects change, one thing that doesn't is the fact that everyone seems to be "editing" their photos to within an inch of what they actually look like. It's really weird to me, because I KNOW these people and I know they don't have green eyes, for example, so why change it up to pretend they do?

Oh, I know. It's just to create a cool photo that looks vintage or that is subdued in some ways and then stands out in others. I get the concept and might experiment with it myself at some point but it's the prevalence all over the place that kind of frightens me, especially in the pre-teen and teen population.

It begs the question "What's wrong with the way you ACTUALLY look?"  It makes me worry that no one is just happy with themselves, anymore, without the little airbrush. If you have hazel eyes, why make them green? If you have grey eyes, why go blue? If your skin is golden, why go porcelain?  Why can't we all just embrace who we are and what we look like and celebrate that diversity, without trying to polish ourselves from a rough draft to what we think is a more interesting tableau?

I used to think Botox parties and plastic surgery was something that just the rich, "Housewives" franchise type of folk did. Well, and celebrities. As I near my 40's, I hear more and more people I actually KNOW discussing what they need done, what they'll have done, what they'd like to tweak.

Really?

I'm not perfect, I'm a far cry from perfect. I have stretch marks and freckles and sun spots. I have a deep line in my forehead from squinting in the sun. I have some laugh lines starting around my eyes. You know what? I'm cool with it. Don't get me wrong-I'm obviously not saying I'd never do anything to make myself look my best. I'm just not obsessed with it, with ageing, with trying to be anything but who I am. To me, you can age gracefully without looking desperate. I also think ageing is a privilege, not a right, and many don't get to live to see each age I reach, so I'm thankful for each year and each lesson learned during it's course. Yep, even the tough ones.

When I look into the mirror-I'm pretty okay with what I see reflected back at me, even without a photo edit.   So, while you may see me add a funky photo somewhere, you'll never see me changing the colour of my eyes or the shade of my hair, or the freckles that tumble over my nose. They are what make me who I am, and I'll never want to be anyone other than that.

Loyalty and Clothing

                                                (image from goinggrayblog.com)

I had this interesting thought the other day, all about my clothes and how in a bizarre way that reflects who I am as a person. No, I wasn't high. My brain is just full of random, weird thoughts and you get the privilege of peeking inside.

Basically, I was perusing my (tiny) wardrobe and realized much of my clothing is from a bazillion years ago. I get a few new items per year, obviously, but in general, unless something is horribly outdated or worn down to unwearable, it's still in my closet.

When I pick something I really, really like....I will wear it and love it and cherish it forever. It's sort of a comfort item, I guess. I just don't see why I'd get rid of it or replace it, if there's no need. I like holding on to what I have and I honestly feel most like "me" when I'm wearing some old standbys. If I go to an event and have to dress up in something all new and shiny, I spend the night tugging and pulling and adjusting. In my old hoodie and jeans though? I'm totally relaxed and just "me."

I realized, that's kind of how I am with friendships, too.

I'm someone who has a large social network. I like meeting new people, I like expanding my circles, I like being introduced to new things. I also, however, am still friends with the same people as when I was 5 years old and up. My best friends date back 25 years. In fact, I still talk to and maintain friendly relationships with most of my exes as well. If someone badly hurts me, don't get me wrong, I can let them go. I'm not a fan of toxicity or drama. In general though, if I decide you are worth a friendship, you can pretty much guarantee I'll be your friend for life and I'll be there in a pinch. I won't let you down, and I will treat you as best I can. I've even been in long term relationships for the last 21 years of my life! I clearly don't have a need to "look elsewhere" for gratification and don't get bored with what I know-much like I don't constantly discard or replace loved items in my wardrobe.

Similar to my clothing, I don't like letting people go from my life. It feels alien to me to not have someone around anymore-even if the relationship was just casual, like an acquaintance. I'm most comfortable, and most "me" when I'm surrounded by long standing friends with a shared history.

I'm not comparing my friends to grungy hoodies-they are obviously way more awesome than that. They are however, comfortable, soft, and embracing.

Whether it be clothes, apparently, or friendships-one thing I am is loyal. My clothes may literally cover my back, but believe me when I say, if you're in my circle, I've got yours.

These Are The Moments....

I've had my oldest daughter home with me the last two days, she started a cough and sore throat over the weekend and it's lingering which is also affecting her sleep. (or lack thereof) I don't know what it is as of late, but I've been very emotional for the last few weeks, prone to tearing up over the slightest commercial, TV show, things people say. On top of that, I've been feeling sort of nostalgic for "the ways things used to be."  I wouldn't want to go BACK, don't get me wrong, because EVERY stage of life is fraught with it's own set of challenges and obstacles, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit I'm a bit melancholy about how quickly time seems to fly.

My daughter has been snuggling with me in my bed during the day, which I am in total HEAVEN about. She's  a pre-teen and I know these times are getting to be more and more rare. Sometimes, looking at her, I can see the woman she is going to be, and other times, she looks exactly like the little girl I've been guiding to grow.

Last night, as I was putting my youngest to bed, she was chatting away about her day, ideas she has for things she'd like to do, plans she's made for school or friends and family. As she was lying in bed talking, she began to sort of twirl her hair on one side. Immediately, I was whisked back into my memory banks of her as an infant and toddler. The "hair twirl" was one of the clues to let us know she was on the verge of sleep. She hasn't done that in a long, long time and it struck me right in the heart to see her back there.

I've made the mistake today of looking at old videos and photos, snapshots of trips and family vacations, holidays and daily life. I say mistake because given my current sappiness, I'm teary again. Heck, I'm tearing up writing this, currently.

The moments with my family are, and I can say this unequivocally, THE best times of my life. When my life "flashes before my eyes" it won't be trips and clothes and houses I see, it'll be first steps, hugs and kisses, and "I love you Mummy's."

I know I can't freeze time, nor keep my kids from the amazing lives they are to etch out for themselves, and I   certainly wouldn't want to do so. I continue to love each moment where I get to just be close to them, be welcome and wanted in their lives, and to hold them for just one minute more in my arms and heart.  I can only bask in the present and what we have, and look both forward to the future and what it holds, while still remembering all the wonderful from the past.

Memories fill me today, sustain me on days that are rough, and bring me hope for tomorrow.

It's Gettin' Crafty Up In Here!

Well, my friend Alison has been harassing me (okay, okay...encouraging!) to get to blogging more since apparently she likes to read while she sips coffee. Clearly the girl has great taste. Well, that or nothing else to read in the morning. Whatever the case may be, I decided I'd let you all in on a 'lil bit of my craftiness as of late. When I say craftiness, I really mean that I have literally NO crafty ability, so anything I do better be quick and easy and require little more skill than a monkey could muster.

Enter, Pinterest.

I, like everyone on the planet, am addicted to Pinterest. I pin stuff that I like the look of, that I dream of owning or doing, or crafts that I have some modicum of ability of even tackling at a later date. The painted/coloured Mason jars were just that project.

I have a bazillion jars lying around because my mother in law is the Queen of homemade jams and pickles and salsas and well, anything  you can preserve in a jar. They were all just sitting in my cupboard (this is AFTER I've returned a box full!) taking up space so I figured, why not make use of them?

I saw a few different versions of tinted Mason jars, running the gamut from acrylic paint and baking them in the oven to the more simple white school glue and food colouring. Hmmm. I'll let you figure out which I chose. It was also important to me that I be able to actually put flowers IN the jars, so the painting of the inside wouldn't really work.

This is so simple to do, and I'm REALLY pleased with the results. Martha Stewart had them all together on a nice tray with flowers in each jar, but I'm not Martha so mine are currently just sitting on my mantel. I'll get to flowers later on! One step at a time for Tracey-kind here folks!

You literally put some white school glue in a receptacle (I used a plastic cup) with a splash of water, and mix whatever food colouring you'd like to a tint you find snazzy. I used about 2 tbsp glue to 1 tsp water,  and 3 hits of blue colouring with one of green. I'm guesstimating the glue and water because (and this is also why I don't generally bake very often) I'm just not a measuring sort of gal.

I mixed it together and got to painting the outside of the jars. I let each coat slightly dry and did 3 coats per jar. I then let them dry completely over night. Don't freak out (like I did) that they look streaky while they are drying. As they get completely dry, the streaks go away and the surface is smooth. It's not sticky or tacky at all. Magic!

This is my fancy schmancy set up for painting the jars. I know-I'm all professional with the kids paint brush and the flyer drop cloth. Don't hate.

Here they are all done and sitting up on my mantel! The colour looks more green in this pic (these are off my phone so...you know....) but they are actually a shade more blue. Let's say an aquamarine colour, tut tut.

And finally, on my mantel. I know I'm horrendous with a photo. I generally leave picture taking to my husband but I was emailing every one I know pics of my completed project because I was THAT excited by my cool new funky jars. It's the little things, clearly.

We had also just painted our mantel and that surround piece in white from an orangey wood yuck, and painted out the brass of the fireplace to that black colour you see peeking out in the photo.

Voila! This was literally the easiest project to do and despite my awful picture taking skills, turned out better than I imagined! I really like the beachy look of them as that is pretty much the theme of my home, in general.

I have more crafty ideas on the horizon and I am overjoyed to be able to share them with you in future, if only to convince you to give things a try, even if you have little to no skills, like me.

There ya go, Alison! Happy now? :)

50 Shades of Crimson

                                               



I'm sure you've heard all the buzz circling about the trilogy of books in the "50 Shades of Grey" series. If you haven't, you clearly don't troll the Internets like I do, because it's all over the damn place, from People.com to blogs to Twitter to well, everywhere. You get the point.

For those of you not in the know, here are the basics. "50 Shades of Grey" was written by first time author E.L James and published solely as an e-book. It made the rounds quickly with women reading on their Nooks or Kobo's or iPads in privacy, without the shame of some racy Harlequin looking cover in their hands. It's an erotic work of fiction that steps into the world of Christian Grey, a billionaire with a penchant for domination and Anastasia Steele, a recent college graduate that falls in love with him and tries to understand his world.

When I first heard talk about the books, I had no desire to read them. At all. I'm just not an erotica type of reader and I stray far, far away from Harlequin romances. I've mentioned before that I'm not really a romantic type, so the silly plots that always seem the same never do it for me. You know what I'm referencing, here. The guy and gal cross paths and immediately one finds the other infuriating and they "try" to stay away from them, but in the end can't deny their passion and love blah blah blah gag.

However, I joined a Book Club and "50 Shades of Grey" is our June selection, hosted at MY house. It wouldn't do very well if I hadn't cracked open the book! I downloaded it on to my iPad and started warily reading.

Holy. Crap.

I read it in one night. It's one steamy book, let me tell  you.  I felt like I might need a cold shower a few times, actually. One woman's description of reading it cracked me up when she said, "My husband loved this book and he never read a word."  True. Dat.

On top of the (often bizarre) sex stuff, there actually is an interesting story line in terms of  Christian's past and how he came to be who he is and why he needs the domination/submission roles in his life.

I read book 2 of the trilogy last night (yes, in one night again) entitled "50 Shades Darker" and have just started "50 Shades Freed" today.  Word on the street is that a movie is in the works as well.

I can't say I'll be out there delving into the erotica shelves for my next read, but I do have to admit that this series shocked me (in oh so many, many ways!) and I actually really enjoyed the story lines. In fact, the "sex stuff" as I like to oh so maturely reference it, became some of the parts that I tended to skip or gloss over after the first ten times or so. I mean, how many times can you read about someone being spanked or handcuffed really? There are only so many ways to describe the scenario, and believe me, they all get covered.

Of course with anything that gets cult following, the questions and debates arise, trying to dissect the "why" as to women flocking to this series. "Do women actually wish to be dominated?" or "Are women hungry to submit to men in their private lives, after being dominate now in workplaces?"  and the best one, "Do we need to re-examine and redefine men and women's current roles in society?"  Whaaaat?

How about we break it down into something much more base. Women like sex, too. I know, it's shocking really. Women might not  necessarily like erotica from a man's point of view (a threesome or orgy, AGAIN?) but throw in a female writer with an idea of what women really find "hot" and it catches on with the masses.

So, "50 Shades of Grey"....I didn't expect to be hooked on your kinky ways, but you got me hiding out reading furiously for the last three days and I applaud you for that.

Don't worry though, folks, next book club selection is a creepy thriller entitled "The Boy in the Suitcase." It should shake off any last vestiges of hot billionaires and delve me into a world of mystery and darkness.

What are you reading?

So....Umm....Crickets....

I wish I had some titillating fantastic post to reel you all in and freak your world, but this is MY life we're talking about so, you know, it's status quo with a side dish of cray cray.

I realize I've been a bit Emo as of late, and I apologize for my dark, moody, "I've gone all Goth on you" posts.

I'm still in some sort of weird holding pattern in life, or that's how it feels anyways, and I kinda hate the months from January to end April, just in general. Blah and blah.

We had a nice Easter, very quiet and kept on the down low, which is how I like it. This is the first time in a few years we've been with family for Easter, so that was a switch for us. I should clarify, with my side of the family. We have historically travelled to see my husband's family for Easter, or spent it living away and on our own. We attended Church, had a meal, ate some chocolate, lounged. Not too shabby.

I'm back at Booty Camp, busting my butt! We had an outdoor class on Saturday, and come May it's all outdoors. It was quite the time. Running laps, walking lunges, a blur of reps and sets that involved many burpees and squat jumps and such. Have I mentioned here that I now have an ass? I totally do. It's strange to look in the mirror and see this roundness-I'm like a dog trying to catch it's own tail as I swirl in the mirror.

I seem to only write about once a week, which is on par with my moodiness as of late. Once April has closed it's frigid doors and the warmth of May starts to spread through my bones, I'm hoping for a bunch of blooming and blossoming on the blog, and in life.

Stay Tuned!

Stress Bustin'

I've been a basket case of nerves of late, not sure which direction I'm headed or where certain paths are leading. I'm my own worst enemy, I'm well aware, because I'll focus on the issue and turn it over and over in my mind to the point where I'm not sleeping and I'm not eating well and I'm an emotional powder keg.

In an effort to try and diffuse the clutter weighing on my mind, I've been redirecting my brain to my blessings. When life seems overwhelming, it's easy to forget everything that is good and going well. I know that I'm pretty lucky in so many ways, and I need to keep moving forward in gratitude. I can't control other people, I can't control all situations, I can't predict what is to come, and I can't change what has already passed.

One thing that has been keeping a smile on my face is running. Well, I'm not smiling WHILE I'm running, let's not get carried away. However, the running comes with several really great perks, things that for my own spirit are necessary for sanity.

One such surprise is that my husband has stuck with the running and it's something he now does on his own early each morning, but it's also something we're enjoying doing together. We head out and get our sweat on. We don't talk much while running, but there's peace in the huffing and puffing. I still out run him, but I have no doubt that will change sooner than later. I'm just loving sharing those moments with him, separate to the routine and habit of what makes up the every day of a household.

The second is that I'm doing a Couch to 5K program with my friend, Claire. This is a very different run than with my husband, with Claire and I chatting the whole way. We head out to the trails, do our walk/run program and talk about everything under the sun. We laugh, we vent, we gossip. I find that I can spend days in my little bubble of worry, and then I come home from a run with her and I'm laughing and smiling and feeling lighter in general. It's like there's not enough time in the hour or two to discuss everything we'd like-which is a rarity in most friendships.

I don't know where my path is headed, and I worry like a pro, but with friends and loved ones keeping me in check, my soul feels more balanced and my outlook remains more positive.