Cue The Theme Music....

The numerical value of this new year is "13" which many see as unlucky, but just as many view as supremely prosperous. I'm becoming quite the optimist, often full of hope, so I'm going to go with the latter, myself.

I read the other day, both on Twitter and through friends on Facebook, about this "one word" idea to set as the tone for your year. In 2012, without ever knowing about that concept, I did just that. (Dang it! If I publicized these thoughts I have before someone else, I'd be a millionaire by now!) I chose the word "LEAPING" for the duration, with my motto being "feel the fear, and do it any ways."  I knew I had lots of interests I wanted to pursue, things I'd dreamt about doing, but was often too nervous or afraid to do so. I wanted that to change. I decided to make it my goal to honour the emotions or anxieties I felt, to allow myself to feel them, but then to let them go and to plunge, shaky knees and butterfly tummy and all.

I'm proud of everything I did in 2012 and the way I was able to make important choices to get me there-whether it be in surrounding myself with incredible individuals to push me forward when I couldn't push myself, or by simply believing in my own ability.

As I reflected on the year ahead, I went through a few words and one kept coming back to me. It just felt "right."  That word is SEEK. It worked with other key concepts: seek and find, seek change, seek growth.  I've focused a lot on the physical, which obviously took much of the emotional and mental to accomplish, but I haven't explored all of the areas of that which will make me feel more whole. I let the "SEEK" ruminate in my heart and mind for a bit, when a thought came to me. Seeking is exactly what I need to do, to be sure, but I need to do MORE than just seek. I don't want to just "look" for the answers I need, I want to act on them as well. In this way, "SEEK" didn't seem as much of an action word as I'd hoped would reflect what I'd like to achieve.

I went to some of my very smart pals and asked for their help, exposing my thoughts and feelings, and hoping for some clarification, ideas or guidance. Of course I found all of that in spades, cause you know, I hang with the best of the best!

After discussing a few words and options, as well as delving into what I'd like this year to mean to me, it came to me. Heck, even the themed catch-phrase popped into my head. As I looked up the dictionary meaning, it became even more serendipitous that I had chosen the most significant word for me, because my word is also a synonym for "SEEK."

From merriam-webster.com:

¹ven·ture

Definition of VENTURE

transitive verb

1

: to expose to hazard : risk, gamble <ventured a buck or two on the race>

2

: to undertake the risks and dangers of : brave <ventured the stormy sea>

3

: to offer at the risk of rebuff, rejection, or censure <venture an opinion>

intransitive verb

: to proceed especially in the face of danger 

My word for 2013 is "VENTURE."

 "Nothing ventured, nothing gained."  I also see venture in "adventure," which I hope to have many of as well. 

I loved the definitions because another word that had appeared in my thoughts was "brave" and to venture is to brave, at the risk of danger or rejection. It works with my continuing theme from last year, building and expanding on the idea of leaping, but it almost, in my opinion, pushes it even further in the risking. I need to do that in several areas this year.

I was getting very frustrated, in tears at one point, as I explored my goals for the year, because honestly, I can't yet put my finger on exactly what they are in some regards. They remain a little ambiguous, and will require quite a bit of deep soul searching, that I'm venturing for my OWN betterment, and not from outside pressures or a sense of guilty responsibility.  The idea isn't to resent what I undertake, but to flourish and embrace the change. It's supposed to be a total, personal, transformative undertaking, and that seems huge, but I feel like I'm standing on a pivotal precipice and that I'm *so* close to discovering my best self and living it. That can only be good, right? It scares and frustrates me because I have NO idea what some of this even looks like yet, and it may not be a "one year" endeavour, but I'm embarking on this journey again for as long as it takes.

I'm venturing and risking to get to a feeling of peace and contentment in all facets of my life, the physical being only one of those. I hope you'll all support, encourage and follow along as I document, struggle and challenge.

Venturing into 2013. 

Welcoming in 2013

The year 2012 is coming to a close, and it was a wonderful one on SO many levels. I spent the year doing activities that I'd never done before but that always interested me, I made tons of new friends that share many of my interests and goals (and as a social extrovert, that's all good!), I spent lots of time with my tried and true blue buddies of forever, and I loved every moment of quality time with my family. On top of that, I got to write about it all on the "Losing it in Ottawa" blog, where I heard back from SO many of you about journeys you started on yourselves, or how I'd inspired, or how you just appreciated my writing. Seriously, does it get any better than that? I don't think so! But....I'm hoping it at least continues!

I'm very conscious of what I "put out into the world," and while definitely not perfect, I really strive to make sure not to engage in negativity. If someone chooses to poke digs in my direction, I choose to just let it go. I laugh, and let it roll off of my back. I don't have time for that drama and I'm not letting it in, any more. I've really worked hard on not being so "reactive" and I really take a moment (most of the time!) to feel what I'm feeling, and then release it into the Universe. I know, I'm all Zen and stuff now.

I will be continuing on into 2013 with the same attitude, and continuing to seek whatever comes my way. I, however, believe every year in ushering in the New Year with certain "rules" that add to the Karma of what's to come.
In no certain order, I give you my "Rules for New Years Eve."

1) Spend New Years Eve in contact with people you want to remain in contact with in 2013. If you spend the evening wishing you were elsewhere or doing something else, it sets the tone for the year ahead. I believe in spending the time with people I love, laughing and chatting and having a great time. I spend the day with my kids, talk to them at midnight, and make sure to touch base with everyone that I want to feature prominently in the next year.

2) Eat good food. I believe in eating a fantastic meal so that the year ahead is full of great meals and great times celebrating and sharing.

3) Have a clean house. On New Years Eve day, I make sure my house is cleaned from top to bottom. Starting a New Year with a messy house, in my opinion, is just bad Feng Shui!

4) Have epic sex. Ya, I went there. You HAVE to ring in the New Year in the best way possible! It doesn't have to be EPIC sex...but the idea is to set the tone for the next year and WHY THE HECK NOT?

5)Do what you love. Whether it's an activity for the evening, an outing New Year's Day, or just snuggling your loved ones....The year to come should be FULL of all that you love-people, places, food, activity, love, friends, home and family.

Now, obviously these rules are a little tongue in cheek, especially if you know me and my lack of belief in "Karma" in general. I do, however, think that starting off a year on the right foot is paramount to an ongoing attitude that should be pervasive every single day in your life. The attitude will set the way for your everyday. (but I honestly DO all of the above rules so....ahem)

I read something the other day about choosing a word or catch phrase to be the theme of your year. (I think it was from Sharon DV from YummyMummyClub) My theme for 2012 was "feel the fear and do it anyways!" and I really embraced it with each new challenge. I'm going to keep that momentum going for 2013, but I'm also going to think of a new theme for this New Year.  When I have it, I'll be sure to fill you all in!

For now, enjoy your New Year's Eve and day, drink responsibly, and usher in the beginning of something beautiful! 

XO

So, About That 15k....

Yep, you are seeing that correctly! I TOTALLY DID IT!!!

On that chilly Saturday morning, my friend Katie was doing her long run of 28k. I had plans Sunday morning and would have to miss my Weekend Run Club, so I asked Katie if she'd like some company for part of that run. I figured it was a win/win situation for us both. Katie gets some company (albeit at a slower pace!) for some of her run, and I get to go out there with an experienced runner who is also super motivating to me.

Katie agreed and ran from her house to meet me at mine. We set out in a straight "out and back" with me setting the pace. Katie was also kind enough to bring me a Gu to try once we hit the 10k mark. I'd never needed any type of fuel on runs, so this was all new to me as well.

I set out with a million thoughts running through my head. I'd run a 10k distance several times and didn't flinch when even considering doing that again. However, I'd only ever run further than that the weekend previous, when I did the 12k! How was I going to add on ANOTHER 3k to a distance that may have been a fluke in the first place? I also didn't want to slow Katie down too much, but didn't want to burn myself out far from home and having to walk the distance back to my door. I was very anxious about aspects of it, but decided just to GO and do my best. I had a backup plan with my husband if I just couldn't cover the ground needed.

I started my Nike app and put it in my pocket. I didn't want to look at pace or distance, I just wanted to "go with" the run and how I was feeling. The app tells me at each mile where I'm at and what my average pace was so I knew it would update me soon enough. When I hit Mile 1, it said my pace was 9:34 for that mile. That was a whole minute faster than my planned "forever pace" I'd set previously. Never the less, I kept on trucking, with Mile 2 stating about the same. Katie and I were chatting away about everything under the sun and I was feeling pretty good until about Mile 3. (5k)  I decided to walk for a second to re-adjust my pants that were sort of slipping and to give my shoulders a bit of a shake out, as well as to take off my mitts and to open my jacket at the neck slightly. This was under 30 seconds I'd guess, and away we went once again.

Soon enough it was time for the GU and the turn around point. Since I'd never tried them before, and didn't bring any water, I wasn't sure how it would go. They are kind of like a pudding type thing, and after the first "YUCK" bite, I didn't find it too bad. We walked a minute while we pushed the Gu out of the packet and removed our neck warmers and wiped our noses.

I now knew we had to cover the distance all over again and it felt a little overwhelming. I told myself to just put one foot in front of the other and keep trucking. I also decided to slow my pace a little so that I'd get there and not burn out. I'm pretty (okay, a lot) stubborn, and I had told myself last weekend that I was GOING to get this 15k distance in the next week, and gosh darn it....I wasn't going to settle for anything less. We stayed around a 10:00 pace from then to my home, stopping for traffic lights occasionally, or traffic. I'm not sure if it's when the Gu hit, but all of a sudden I felt much lighter and much better. I KNEW I had this and would make it to my door with the distance not only covered, but at a faster clip than intended and feeling pretty fantastic all in all.

About 2k from home, Katie started my pep talk. She's good like that. She said she really struggled her first 15k, and that "9 miles" was one of those "milestone" run marks, and here I was doing it! She said she was impressed by my focus and my steady pace throughout, and that I didn't seem to be struggling. I was still chatting away and able to talk quite normally. I'd DEFINITELY had moments in there where that wasn't the case, but I honestly did feel like I'd caught my second wind.

We rounded the corner to "home" and I was just ecstatic! (but also happy it was done! LOL) We high-fived and hugged (I'm turning into a hugger now apparently! Who knew?) and Katie continued on her way.

As soon as I opened the door, my husband and my daughter were standing there asking, "Did you do it? Did you make it?"  I could barely speak with emotion, so I just showed them my ipod screen, as you see above. My daughter, who is really my best little cheerleader, hugged me tight and said, "I KNEW you'd do it Mummy!"  My husband gave a little grin and a "Well, I'll never catch you now! I keep trying and you keep going further! But I like the chase!"  He also told me he was very impressed and inspired by all the changes I'd been making-which is pretty motivating all on it's own.

There was no rest for the wicked though, I had to hit the stores after a shower and some food, and surprisingly, my legs felt totally fine. I haven't had any soreness or stiffness at all-except in my upper back and shoulders/neck area.  I assume it's from the way I hold myself when I run-which is likely rigid, a stance that's par for the course with me.

I'm doing the distance (hopefully!) again this weekend to support Katie's birthday (and her last long run before her marathon in January)with the fabulous, wonderful women in my little community of awesomeness. The incentive is to help Katie out, but brunch and beer at the end doesn't hurt either.

After riding that high for the day, I went to my sister's yesterday and was asking about borrowing a dress for a fancy dress evening coming up. No, I don't own a dress. I tried on many dresses and fit them all, including the dress that my 20 year old niece wore to her high school graduation a few years back!!! I also fit a few other dresses of hers-granted mostly stretchy ones and a gamut of sizes but I don't even care. I'm feeling on top of the world and I'm ready for 2013 and even bigger, bolder, better, scarier dreams.

My December challenge involved more gym time that made me nervous, and conquering the 15k. I have some January goals already set, several of which aren't fitness related at all.

I'm truly just getting started!!!

Still Runnin'!

It's been a pretty mild December up until oh....today....so I've still been enjoying lacing up my sneakers and running outside. A few days were a bit more tip-toeing in some parts where there was packed snow or ice, but mostly, it's been smooth sailing.

Last week, I had two 5k's planned and then a longer 10k run on the weekend. I guess I drank the Kool-Aid hardcore because I ended up hating my one 5k run so much I made it a 10k, ran with friends for Run Club and we all decided to change a 5k to a 10k, and I did a Forrest Gump and on my Sunday 10k run with Run Club (Weekend Edition) I just kept running all the way home, making it 13.45k on my Nike app.(which is always slightly off and probably closer to 12k)  In total, for those of you that aren't math savvy like me (ha!) that means last week alone I ran 32k. Whaaaaat?

Two of those runs were with my friend Katie, marathoner extraordinaire. She had a longer run to do on Sunday (25.7k or something equally as crazy!) so ran with me the extra distance to my home. That Katie. She's quite the motivator and is always encouraging me and making me believe I can do incredible things that even I don't believe I can do. As we were running along, she was saying that she really believed I was ready for 15k, easily. She said my pace was good, my mindset and inner fortitude strong, and that even after 10k that day and other days that week, I had picked up my pace, was still chatting, and still had gas in the tank to do that run home.  When I bid her adieu at my house, I walked in knowing that in the next week or so, weather conditions permitting, I'll be running a 15k. Simple as that.

Not only did I run 32k last week, I also did Pump classes, Yoga and Zumba. I feel like I'm really keeping my focus, fitness wise, and we're already mid-December. Not. Too. Shabby.

Don't get me wrong though, I'm still totally not sleeping up to par and am still indulging in the odd cookie or muffin and such. That's just how I roll.

In other exciting news, I went dress shopping last week and while I'm SO not a dress fan, I tried on some SINGLE digit dresses. Sizing is really quite ridiculous though, in general, so I'm not too hung up on that side of things. You can take a range of sizes depending on what the material is, what the cut is, and where an article of clothing is made, but it still made me do a little dance in the change room.

I'm fully prepared for the journey to get even slower as I get closer and closer to my goal. One of the things I look forward to with each step though is what NEW goals I'll be considering and what personal victories I'll be celebrating. It's more than just posting about my workouts, for me. It's a written reminder of where I've come from, where I am now, and where I'm hoping to see myself in future. It may seem like "just one more run," but to me, it's a reflection of a whole new person that a year ago wouldn't have been writing about anything remotely close to these posts.

As the future unfolds, I'm sure the posts will evolve with it....and I'm so excited about what that future will bring.

Workin' It Out, Winter Edition

Even though yesterday was a balmy +18C or something, I'm pretty sure that at some point the winds of winter will be howling their cold deathly breath down our collective backs and the mere thought of leaving the warmth of our cozy homes will fill us with dread. When that time comes, I move my workouts to the comfort of my living room or basement, pop in a kick butt DVD workout and the sweat starts flowin'!

As you've read on here before, I'm a big fan of Shaun T and I loved the "Insanity" workout. I didn't finish Month 2 because summer came and the living was easy, but there's something extra special about doing a workout so intense you feel like you *just* might not make it out alive. When you do, the sense of victory is almost superhero epic.

In the light of home workouts, when you open up your email and see one from Emily Coleman of Beachbody, with words like "I saw your blog has some awesome posts relating to fitness, exercise, and living a healthy lifestyle" and she asks if you'd like to check out some of their new products and talk about them on said "awesome" blog, you immediately do so. You don't need to twist my arm when it comes to Beachbody programs, that's just truth. I wasn't even paid to say that either!

She sent me some links to look at and get some feedback on and share with all of you, so you too can go and fall all sorts of in love with Beachbody and okay, Shaun T himself.

So, first there is this: http://www.beachbody.com/product/fitness_programs/brazil-butt-lift-master-series-advanced-workout.do

If anyone knows butts, it's the Brazilians, am I right? This looks like a well rounded (see what I did there? HA!) workout, but obviously with moves specifically targeting the glutes. I don't know one single woman that doesn't want a nice butt, and this looks like it's a good all over body workout but will definitely give you definition where you want it!

Next up is the Les Mills Pump Cross Training Deluxe Package. http://www.beachbody.com/product/fitness_programs/les-mills-pump-cross-training-workout-deluxe-package.do

As a frequenter of Goodlife Fitness, I've done many Les Mills workouts, including Pump. The package also contains DVD's for the Step, Attack and Combat workouts, the risers and the weights. I'm a HUGE fan of Pump so the ability to actually do this workout at home on days when I don't feel like trekking through the snow REALLY appealed to me. These workouts, in my opinion, are some of the most intense classes Goodlife offers, and I love, love, love that they are available from Beachbody for home consumption!

For all of you crazy P90X'ers, there's also a Certification Program http://www.beachbodycertification.com/p90x-certification that will allow you to bring a new facet of training to any of your clients in a workout that is known to be tough, and bring results. I personally don't have any experience with it and the thought of me teaching it kind of made me laugh out loud, but I know many of you hardcore trainers out there will jump on that STAT.

The next is a surprising one for me. If you read my blog at all, you know I'm not a fan of cleanses specifically because I don't think drinking shakes teaches you anything long term. You lose weight, sure, but you can't live on shakes and supplements and as a lifestyle, you need to eat real food and for some, that's trickier to figure out than not. However, you can only learn that skill when you practice it. So, when I checked out the link for the Beachbody Ultimate Reset, I was a little skeptical.

 http://www.ultimatereset.com/

I was happy to see that the Reset involves eating REAL food at each meal, as well as supplements added to that. It's about eating whole, unprocessed foods and learning how to choose the best foods for our nutritional intake. Honestly, this is one cleanse that I'd actually consider doing-and that's really, really big coming from me.

Now, I saved the best for last. Can you guess??

Oh ya baby!!! Shaun T!! I love this video preview and how he says "You should be SCREAMING. Your neighbours should know you're working out because they can hear you!" Oh, so sadly accurate.

http://www.beachbody.com/product/fitness_programs/insanity-the-asylum-volume-2-elite-training-workout.do

Shaun T asks if we think he's insane. Clearly the answer is YES, but don't we all love him for it? "You survived "Insanity", now I'm coming to GET YOU!"  That scares me in the best way possible. As I stated above, I'm kinda insane myself because I love me some Shaun T craziness. I love sweating so hard its pouring off my face onto my floor. I love completing a workout, being starving and then needing a nap. "Asylum" looks SO exciting to me that I reviewed this and then immediately put it on my Christmas List. No joke.

So, there ya go, some Winter Workouts to see you through the bluster into the sunshine of Spring! Can you imagine doing these programs in the privacy of your own home and then peeling off your sweater come warm temps and showing off how ripped you've become, while everyone else was hibernating and layering on an extra padding all winter? C'mon!

I wasn't paid for this post, and the words and reviews are totally my own personal opinion. I'm a big Beachbody lover, and these new programs are just some of the examples of why. I love the gym, I love running, but I also love home workouts. I also know that the gym isn't accessible to everyone, nor is tons of expensive equipment. These types of at home kits really provide all you need to work it out, spring, summer, fall or winter!

'Tis The Season....

Christmas is a wonderful time of year, but also kind of a nutso one, right? I feel like the time flies by in a harried whirlwind from mid-November until at least end of January! It's mostly good stuff with merry making and kindness and stuff, but as a Mum and the one who "takes care of everything holiday related," it's a little crazy making!

For those of you that sent me emails or posted comments on my last blog post, thank you and I reassure you again-I'm A-OK.  I didn't mean to make anyone question my mental status (well, any more so than usual!) or worry any of you! I'm doing great in so many ways, I'm just always that girl that is on a quest for "more." I also, as I stated, really believe in seeking and searching and evolving, so I'm just trying to figure that piece out as well. I have loads more I want to do and accomplish, and I know what most of it entails, but just not all of it. That's clear as mud, right? Just know I'm on a path and it's an adventure I'm willingly undertaking so don't fret!

Now, back to the merry making.

I embraced November's challenges to try some new things by testing out my gym membership and trying new classes and new equipment. I was frankly terrified at the thought of Pump class (weights with literally 1000 repetitions? Sure, sounds fun!) but I went out and tried and went back some more! I also started some days a week where I'm working in TWO workouts instead of just one. Yesterday, for example, I did a Pump class and then ran 6.5k on snowy sidewalks. THAT was also a  new challenge that made me nervous but it was okay in the end. I guess winter running will be less about speed than it is endurance. I hate the thought of the treadmill but I know it's going to happen. Sigh. I DID manage to break my old 5k time and I'm feeling uber confident that I can totally do it in under 30 minutes come spring. I'm never cocky but there ya go!

I've also been hosting book club, going to Runner's Yoga and Yin, went to a play, travelled to Syracuse with girlfriends where I laughed more than I have in literally years, and been trying to maintain a household and do some holiday shopping and baking.

I have a Wine and Cookie Exchange coming up this Friday evening, a 7.5k run tomorrow night, another run on Sunday morning (8k?) and several holiday social events.

See what I mean when I said I'm all good? It's really nothing a girl can complain about, is it?

December's challenges will entail more classes that scare me (BodyCombat? CXworks?), more cold, snowy runs, and surviving holiday treats and nibbles!

The joy of the season will be giving to families in need with my kids, attending my favourite Church services, spending time with my family and loved ones, cherishing the incredible new and forever friendships and women in my life, brunch with old friends I haven't seen in years, and breathing in the end of one life changing, incredible year.

Who The Heck Are YOU?

Life is certainly a mystery, at least, if you're doing it right.  I just feel like even though I'm going to be 40 next year, and potentially should be all learned about myself, I'm constantly surprised by what I thought "was" and  turns out "is not."

I've felt for a long time like somehow, through the years and tears, I've lost that very essence of who I was when I was a kid. As the years went by and horrible crap happened, that fearless kid kinda got the fear of well....everything. To say I'm cautious is an understatement.

Throughout the last several, oh, decades, I've been telling myself multiple lies about who I am, how I react, what I'd do, and what I feel. I've lied so many times to myself that I now believe it to be truth when in fact, it couldn't be further from that reality.

Every now and then I realize that I'm just not being authentically who I am, and that scares me because most of the time, even at middle age, I feel like I don't know who the hell that is anyways! I just know that many times my reactions to things are not what is really going on in my heart or soul.

I think what I'm finding is, I play tough, but I'm sensitive. I play cold, because I don't want to be warm and get rejected. I play strong when I feel my weakest. I play bold when I feel meek. I don't risk because I feel like I have so much to lose and one more chance to fail, and I don't leap because I feel like there's no one to catch.  I don't share these types of feelings, mostly, because I'd rather die than look weak or self-pitying.

I have walls upon walls upon walls erected, and breaking them down is the most frightening prospect I've ever considered encountering.

One other thing also, as you change and grow,  it makes people uncomfortable. People that knew you, know you, a certain way....they don't necessarily like who you're becoming and question why you are changing so much?

I've been doing SO much work on my outside, which is great. My inside though, and I know this is a running theme lately, is being ignored because I'm scared of what I'm going to find, steps I'm going to have to take, and where I'll end up and what I'll need to do to get there.

Worse still, I'm terrified I won't like this person I've kept buried for so long, and I'll be coming to terms with qualities and traits I'm not comfortable facing. On the other hand, I have this one life and I think growing as a person is the key to a life well lived.

I think my journey is really just beginning, and there are going to be dips and drags, vents and tears. I hope you'll all help me along the way-if I open the door more than a crack to let you in! Right now, I'm beginning to leave the door ajar.