This whole week has been a glorious blur. I've literally had a crazy fun time, which also means I have kind of thrown my whole "plan" out the window. That stresses me out, on the one hand, and on the other? I could give a flying rat's patootie.
I managed to follow my training plan on Monday and got my run in. I also completed my 30 Day Ab Challenge and took my final measurements. (1 inch down on the waist, another inch on the hips! Ya baby!) That's where it all kinda goes to pot.
I woke up Tuesday morning with my back feeling...weird. Sort of locked and stiff. I decided to make an Executive Call and skip my run and take a Rest Day. I took care of my friend's 4 month old instead and OH MY. The cutes. I loved every minute of it. He's super adorable.
We were supposed to go to the New Kids concert that night, but it got postponed, which I wasn't that upset about since my back was still feeling all sorts of wrong.
I thought I'd head out Wednesday morning for a run, but I woke up with my back still feeling stiff. It wasn't as bad as the day before, but definitely not what I'd call 100%.
The concert that night was EPIC. Whooo. We had a nice dinner out at Aperitivo (tapas, all Gluten free!) and it was delish. We *may* have felt like we were teenagers again and consumed several ROUNDS of Lemon Drop shots. We then *may* have had several more rounds at the concert. On top of the other drinks. I was Hangin' Tough for sure! What a hilarious night though. That's definitely one for the memory banks. I've had some crazy times with those girls, we've been friends for 26 years, and I imagine there are many more to come. We did a lot of dancing and a lot of screaming, so I woke up Thursday with a killer sore throat and even more monumental hangover.
So, yeah. Thursday, the only exercise I was doing was raising Advil and water to my parched lips and sore throat.
Friday, I had volunteering for 3 hours, followed by the kids all home for a PD day, followed by a big pasta dinner out with my Mom, niece, daughter and her friend. It was very yummy and we had a nice time, so again, no complaints.
That brings us to yesterday. I had to get groceries, run to the mall with my daughter for several birthday gifts, get home and get ready to surprise my friend Claire at a restaurant for HER birthday! It was a super night, her husband had arranged the whole thing and made it possible for she and I just to have dinner together and chat. There's never enough time when I'm with her. We could talk forever and a day it seems. (according to her husband we DO talk forever but....) I even managed some wine and some Caesars.
It's now Sunday and long run day. I've been puttering and hanging out after a horrific nights sleep, filled with tons and tons of very real nightmares. I hate when that happens. I've got the third load of laundry going and stuff prepped for dinner. My youngest had a friend over for a playdate and my husband took them to a movie now. He did some of my planned yardwork as well, which is really awesome.
So, long run. I'm thinking this evening when it gets a tad cooler outside.
I get stressed that I'm "off plan" because I'm a big "plan/organization" freak, but I'm actually not feeling too badly for some reason. I think it's because I know that when I go hard, I really push it, and when I need rest, I really listen. I had a week full of some of my favourite people and activities, and I'm not going to let that joy be stolen from those moments with fretting.
Sunday, June 9, 2013
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Things That Seem Like A Good Idea At The Time....
There are times, even at my advanced age, that I give myself a huge facepalm for deluding myself into thinking something is a good idea, when I KNOW, clearly, that it is NOT. Here are some of those examples:
-when both hubby and I are in a rush to go somewhere/have plans/not together and need to get ready in a jiffy. It seems logical that jumping in the shower at the same time would speed up the process of readiness, killing two birds with one stone etc. Ya, no. That never quite happens that way.
-when I start watching "Girls" because I've heard it's great and lots of my friends are into it and I spend the whole time both disgusted and feeling like I need to turn it off/change the channel but somehow manage to watch both seasons anyways. There goes time I can't ever get back. BAD NAKED. Just...wrong.
-when I buy into my kids Oscar worthy dramatics that they are SO not feeling well and can barely raise their heavy heads from their pillows. One hour later, they're chatting me up non-stop and doing a craft and wondering when lunch is, and if they can hang with friends later and....
-when I think that somehow I've "outgrown" my propensity towards heatstroke and I can miraculously go out and run at 11am in peak heat without a care. I guess you don't outgrow that kind of thing.
-when I think I'm still 18, or 30 even, and can drink several Caesar's and bottles of wine and just sleep it off. Now, 3 drinks in I'm thinking....this is not going to be good, time to stop. I don't always listen to myself.
-when I think that because I've lost weight I can now wear whatever outfits I want, forgetting the small detail that my actual body shape of a short, high waisted torso and ample bosom have not miraculously disappeared and that hey-those same clothes that looked like crap on me at 21 STILL don't look great. (Rompers? I'm looking at YOU)
-when I feel nausea coming on and my response is my usual, "oh, that means eat MORE stuff and it'll go away." Huh. You can't say I'm not persistent.
-when I think that writing this stuff down, here in this space, will prevent me from falling into these traps again and again.
-when both hubby and I are in a rush to go somewhere/have plans/not together and need to get ready in a jiffy. It seems logical that jumping in the shower at the same time would speed up the process of readiness, killing two birds with one stone etc. Ya, no. That never quite happens that way.
-when I start watching "Girls" because I've heard it's great and lots of my friends are into it and I spend the whole time both disgusted and feeling like I need to turn it off/change the channel but somehow manage to watch both seasons anyways. There goes time I can't ever get back. BAD NAKED. Just...wrong.
-when I buy into my kids Oscar worthy dramatics that they are SO not feeling well and can barely raise their heavy heads from their pillows. One hour later, they're chatting me up non-stop and doing a craft and wondering when lunch is, and if they can hang with friends later and....
-when I think that somehow I've "outgrown" my propensity towards heatstroke and I can miraculously go out and run at 11am in peak heat without a care. I guess you don't outgrow that kind of thing.
-when I think I'm still 18, or 30 even, and can drink several Caesar's and bottles of wine and just sleep it off. Now, 3 drinks in I'm thinking....this is not going to be good, time to stop. I don't always listen to myself.
-when I think that because I've lost weight I can now wear whatever outfits I want, forgetting the small detail that my actual body shape of a short, high waisted torso and ample bosom have not miraculously disappeared and that hey-those same clothes that looked like crap on me at 21 STILL don't look great. (Rompers? I'm looking at YOU)
-when I feel nausea coming on and my response is my usual, "oh, that means eat MORE stuff and it'll go away." Huh. You can't say I'm not persistent.
-when I think that writing this stuff down, here in this space, will prevent me from falling into these traps again and again.
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Brave (No, Not the Disney Movie)
When I was a teenager, one of the qualities I searched for in a boyfriend, was that he be brave. I don't mean brave as in, had a secret identity and fought crime in the dark shadows of the night, I just mean I wanted to feel safe knowing that if the chips may fall, he'd stand up for me. He'd be strong for me. He'd help fight my battles.
I grew up in an environment that was not, on any given day, what you'd call safe. I never felt fully secure, not just emotionally, but also physically. Many a day I felt the very real possibility that it could be my last. When you're 10 years old, that's not a great feeling to try to make sense of in any way, shape or form. I never felt like someone was there, standing up for me. A lot of the time, other than my brother and my grandmother, I truly felt like I was fighting a singular battle where survival was the ultimate goal.
I know this sounds dramatic. Trust me, I know. It's why most of the time, I minimize these years and what happened, or I laugh when telling some horrific tales, trying to diminish their power.
I can't speak for anyone else in my family, I think everyone experiences events differently, but that's how it felt, to me.
I had a serious boyfriend for awhile in my later teens, and I really, really liked him. Yet, one of the things that I couldn't get past with him was that I just never truly felt safe with him. I always felt like the rug was going to be pulled out from under me, or that if push came to shove, he'd leave me on my own. I couldn't make it work with that nagging in my gut.
Then, I met my husband. While we had immediate physical chemistry, it was more that he was this cocky, arrogant guy that NOTHING phased. He was absolutely sure of himself and his space in the world. His confidence set off my "BAZINGA" meters instantly. ('kay, BAZINGA wasn't actually a "thing" then but.....) I tested him in a million different ways, cause I'm cruel like that, and he just kept showing me this rock solid, steadfast stance. For the first time in a very long time, I felt like I had reached a port in what had been a very long storm. He made me feel safe, protected, sheltered. I'm an intense person, and my temper is legendary in my family. He just took it in stride. He was the rock to my crashing waves, the calm breeze to my howling winds, the water thrown on my raging fire.
We've been together 20 years this year, and for a long, long time, that dynamic has worked. In fact, it still holds true that he is the one I immediately turn to when I'm spinning anxiously out of control. I know, even when I'm cascading with fear, that he will remain calm and talk me down from the ledge; appealing to my logic and presenting me with facts that overpower the emotion and dread I'm feeling.
I realized something though, in the last 5 years or so. I realized that while my husband CAN be many things for me, he can't be brave for me. All along, all the while I have been fighting and clawing and working and crying and screaming and building walls and coping-all the time that I spent feeling all alone-I have been brave for MYSELF. I've always HAD to be, but as obstacles in life mount, it may not be pretty (cause I don't really do pretty) but it's been ME constantly fighting for myself. Standing up for myself. Shaking myself off. Picking myself up. Figuring out what I want and where I want to be. Making difficult choices and choosing unpopular paths. Another person can stand beside you, they can lend you support and encouragement, they can help you believe in yourself and inspire you to try, and I KNOW those things are vitally important as well, but they can't DO IT for you.
At the end of the day, the one thing I've feared for so long is the one thing that I've actually always known. In the end, what we do and how we triumph comes down to ourselves. I've never "needed" someone to be brave for me, after all. I've just needed to believe in my own courage and my own fight. I've always tackled difficulties head on, on my own, but my mistake has been in not believing I COULD do it on my own. Support is a wonderful thing, don't get me wrong. I also still have many, many, many a doubt filled day. However, I'm learning and growing daily too.
As I free myself more and more from the shackles that have held me hostage or kept me fearful, I realize that brave, fighting girl is the same one today that was always there-at 10, at 18, and at 34 years old. She may have been often on her own, but she did alright. I see that now.
My growth isn't in BEING brave, it's in BELIEVING that I'm capable of slaying dragons all on my own. No Knights needed.
I grew up in an environment that was not, on any given day, what you'd call safe. I never felt fully secure, not just emotionally, but also physically. Many a day I felt the very real possibility that it could be my last. When you're 10 years old, that's not a great feeling to try to make sense of in any way, shape or form. I never felt like someone was there, standing up for me. A lot of the time, other than my brother and my grandmother, I truly felt like I was fighting a singular battle where survival was the ultimate goal.
I know this sounds dramatic. Trust me, I know. It's why most of the time, I minimize these years and what happened, or I laugh when telling some horrific tales, trying to diminish their power.
I can't speak for anyone else in my family, I think everyone experiences events differently, but that's how it felt, to me.
I had a serious boyfriend for awhile in my later teens, and I really, really liked him. Yet, one of the things that I couldn't get past with him was that I just never truly felt safe with him. I always felt like the rug was going to be pulled out from under me, or that if push came to shove, he'd leave me on my own. I couldn't make it work with that nagging in my gut.
Then, I met my husband. While we had immediate physical chemistry, it was more that he was this cocky, arrogant guy that NOTHING phased. He was absolutely sure of himself and his space in the world. His confidence set off my "BAZINGA" meters instantly. ('kay, BAZINGA wasn't actually a "thing" then but.....) I tested him in a million different ways, cause I'm cruel like that, and he just kept showing me this rock solid, steadfast stance. For the first time in a very long time, I felt like I had reached a port in what had been a very long storm. He made me feel safe, protected, sheltered. I'm an intense person, and my temper is legendary in my family. He just took it in stride. He was the rock to my crashing waves, the calm breeze to my howling winds, the water thrown on my raging fire.
We've been together 20 years this year, and for a long, long time, that dynamic has worked. In fact, it still holds true that he is the one I immediately turn to when I'm spinning anxiously out of control. I know, even when I'm cascading with fear, that he will remain calm and talk me down from the ledge; appealing to my logic and presenting me with facts that overpower the emotion and dread I'm feeling.
I realized something though, in the last 5 years or so. I realized that while my husband CAN be many things for me, he can't be brave for me. All along, all the while I have been fighting and clawing and working and crying and screaming and building walls and coping-all the time that I spent feeling all alone-I have been brave for MYSELF. I've always HAD to be, but as obstacles in life mount, it may not be pretty (cause I don't really do pretty) but it's been ME constantly fighting for myself. Standing up for myself. Shaking myself off. Picking myself up. Figuring out what I want and where I want to be. Making difficult choices and choosing unpopular paths. Another person can stand beside you, they can lend you support and encouragement, they can help you believe in yourself and inspire you to try, and I KNOW those things are vitally important as well, but they can't DO IT for you.
At the end of the day, the one thing I've feared for so long is the one thing that I've actually always known. In the end, what we do and how we triumph comes down to ourselves. I've never "needed" someone to be brave for me, after all. I've just needed to believe in my own courage and my own fight. I've always tackled difficulties head on, on my own, but my mistake has been in not believing I COULD do it on my own. Support is a wonderful thing, don't get me wrong. I also still have many, many, many a doubt filled day. However, I'm learning and growing daily too.
As I free myself more and more from the shackles that have held me hostage or kept me fearful, I realize that brave, fighting girl is the same one today that was always there-at 10, at 18, and at 34 years old. She may have been often on her own, but she did alright. I see that now.
My growth isn't in BEING brave, it's in BELIEVING that I'm capable of slaying dragons all on my own. No Knights needed.
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Spring Cleaning
Dare I even mention OUT LOUD, that it might FINALLY be Spring?
I hadn't put any of our winter stuff away yet. My front hall closet still contains winter coats and mitts and hats. Hey, I'm no fool. Every time someone on FB updated their status saying they'd put "winter away," it snowed. I wasn't going to be that person! Our freaky Spring season "seems" to be here to stay, so I feel confident that I can move on to all things SPRING.
Along with the actual scrub down cleansing of all things home, in the Spring I like to do some mental decluttering. I like to take inventory of items in my home that can be purged; clothing, papers and knick knacks no longer in use, be gone! In that same manner, I do an internal inventory of "stuff" that is weighing me down and blocking me from moving forward into a new year with clarity and peace. I'm all Zen and New Age like that.
Sometimes that means changing my OWN head space around an issue that is stressing me, and sometimes it means it's time for a bigger toxic purge of negativity-which can include individuals that have nothing positive to offer me. Sometimes, those two things collide, and it's my own acceptance of a situation or person that has allowed the toxicity to exist.
I'm in a REALLY good place right now in many aspects of my life. I feel like I'm on the right road to a lifelong habit of healthy living. I make time, every day, to be active. I'm conscious of making sound nutritional choices for myself and my family, while balancing that out with my loves of chocolate almonds and booze. A girl has to have SOME vices! My family is totally on board to pursuing activities we can do together that are fit and active. My husband and I are in a very good place in our relationship-working together, talking things out, checking in with each other, spending time together and apart pursuing shared and separate interests.My children are happy, healthy, confident and secure in themselves. They're truly amazing-and all who meet them tell me the same. They make me PROUD daily. I'm surrounded by some of the most positive, inspiring, encouraging friends anyone should be blessed to have! My circle seems to be growing daily, and each new individual is a bright light, which is mind blowing! I feel embraced and centered in SO many areas. The flip side of this "love in" is-it illuminates with unflattering clarity where that peace is lacking.
So, I'm doing some mental sweeping once again. It's time to really do a deep clean and get those cobwebs out of the dark attic corners! My goal in life is to always be bettering myself and improving and changing what needs tweaking. No more opening the door to people who only bring animosity and poison. I will no longer allow it or read it or permit others to tell me about it or gossip to me about the unsavoury. Where I CAN omit contact, I will be.
I'm still working towards VENTURING and LEAPING into one challenging activity a month. April I ran my first 18k race. I've already run further in May, but of course that won't be all that I do! I still have plans for May. One of those is this final erasure of that which darkens my door.
The summer sunshine is shining brightly towards the future.....and I'm following it's brightened path.
I hadn't put any of our winter stuff away yet. My front hall closet still contains winter coats and mitts and hats. Hey, I'm no fool. Every time someone on FB updated their status saying they'd put "winter away," it snowed. I wasn't going to be that person! Our freaky Spring season "seems" to be here to stay, so I feel confident that I can move on to all things SPRING.
Along with the actual scrub down cleansing of all things home, in the Spring I like to do some mental decluttering. I like to take inventory of items in my home that can be purged; clothing, papers and knick knacks no longer in use, be gone! In that same manner, I do an internal inventory of "stuff" that is weighing me down and blocking me from moving forward into a new year with clarity and peace. I'm all Zen and New Age like that.
Sometimes that means changing my OWN head space around an issue that is stressing me, and sometimes it means it's time for a bigger toxic purge of negativity-which can include individuals that have nothing positive to offer me. Sometimes, those two things collide, and it's my own acceptance of a situation or person that has allowed the toxicity to exist.
I'm in a REALLY good place right now in many aspects of my life. I feel like I'm on the right road to a lifelong habit of healthy living. I make time, every day, to be active. I'm conscious of making sound nutritional choices for myself and my family, while balancing that out with my loves of chocolate almonds and booze. A girl has to have SOME vices! My family is totally on board to pursuing activities we can do together that are fit and active. My husband and I are in a very good place in our relationship-working together, talking things out, checking in with each other, spending time together and apart pursuing shared and separate interests.My children are happy, healthy, confident and secure in themselves. They're truly amazing-and all who meet them tell me the same. They make me PROUD daily. I'm surrounded by some of the most positive, inspiring, encouraging friends anyone should be blessed to have! My circle seems to be growing daily, and each new individual is a bright light, which is mind blowing! I feel embraced and centered in SO many areas. The flip side of this "love in" is-it illuminates with unflattering clarity where that peace is lacking.
So, I'm doing some mental sweeping once again. It's time to really do a deep clean and get those cobwebs out of the dark attic corners! My goal in life is to always be bettering myself and improving and changing what needs tweaking. No more opening the door to people who only bring animosity and poison. I will no longer allow it or read it or permit others to tell me about it or gossip to me about the unsavoury. Where I CAN omit contact, I will be.
I'm still working towards VENTURING and LEAPING into one challenging activity a month. April I ran my first 18k race. I've already run further in May, but of course that won't be all that I do! I still have plans for May. One of those is this final erasure of that which darkens my door.
The summer sunshine is shining brightly towards the future.....and I'm following it's brightened path.
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Thankful, And Inspired!
I've been OVERWHELMED by the comments both here on the blog, on Twitter, FB and through email and messages regarding my 18K race and post. To say it's been extremely touching is just not even adequate. Thank you all, SO MUCH, for your constant encouragement and support.
The surprising part has been the emails from people saying that I've inspired THEM to start running or to get moving. A friend from highschool sent me a message after finishing her first half marathon, saying that it was my posts that encouraged her to get running, and on days she didn't want to run, it was my FB status updates that I was slugging it out in snow that made her go. WHUT?!!!
Wednesday nights, I join a casual group of friends for our "Run Club." I started with this group last August, when the thought of running 5k without walk intervals seemed implausible. I kept at it, after a HORRIBLE first night, and well, I'm where I am today. The great thing about the group, and what kept me going week after week, what kept me encouraged, was that there was always someone to run with the newer runners. Sometimes, the strongest runner there would hang back and make sure that we "newbies" were doing good, cheering us on. At the end, everyone waits for the last people, hooting and hollering, high fiving, running them in. It's an incredible feeling to feel like SO many believe in you and your abilities, when you yourself may be doubting.
I feel like it's now my turn to give back. Our Run Club has grown by leaps and bounds, with new members joining frequently, and I now choose to stay back and run intervals with those new recruits. It's important to me that they feel that same sense of pride, accomplishment and encouragement that I did, because I want them to have that same exhilarating freedom of meeting their goals, with a smile on their faces as they do it. It's also a happy run for me-watching this growth and strength. Win/win in my books.
I'm not special, I'm not a superstar. What I've accomplished running wise doesn't take anything more than time, patience, training and sheer determination. I want new runners to know they can ABSOLUTELY get 5k and beyond if they want it badly enough.
A week after my grueling 18K hilly hell race, I worried about going out and running a further distance. That race had seemed so monumental. I had set out that morning with a plan, organized, well hydrated, well fueled. Here it was Sunday Long Run day again, and I had 19K planned. I hosted Wine Club the night before and consumed a few glasses of white. I had 4ish hours of sleep. I wasn't sure how hydrated I was going to be. I woke up 45 minutes before my friend Jay was picking me up, and flew around the house like a mad woman.
We headed downtown to run from Hog's Back, up Colonel By to Rideau. Then, down Rideau to Queen Elizabeth, up Queen Elizabeth, around Dow's Lake, cross over a footbridge, back up Colonel By to Hog's Back. It seemed daunting. It was hot out. I wasn't fully prepared. Yet, I had a fantastic run. I felt alive, happy, the sun shining, folks waving and nodding, the beautiful scenery, the water beside. I ran joyously and enjoyed every moment. That afternoon, a little sunburnt and a little dehydrated, I realized I wasn't in the least sore or stiff. In fact, I've felt fantastic since that day.
THAT, that feeling, THAT is why I run. Not every run feels like that. Some are like the grueling 18K race. But every run teaches me something, and I don't just mean physically. I'm thankful that I'm able to run, and that I'm supported in my love of it.
I loved hearing how I'm inspiring others, it's truly what keeps me pushing. If I can in any way help someone find that joyous, heart full moment, than I feel like I've accomplished more than just "started running."
When I'm running, I think of those emails and messages. I think of people that inspire me, I think of my support team, and I also just settle into my Zen. I also think about my journey, with running and life, and how I just keep climbing out and over whatever is thrown my way. This song, cheesy as it may be, is one of my running power songs. I hope maybe it's words help inspire YOU to just keep "pushing on" as well.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qolUC13bwMc
The surprising part has been the emails from people saying that I've inspired THEM to start running or to get moving. A friend from highschool sent me a message after finishing her first half marathon, saying that it was my posts that encouraged her to get running, and on days she didn't want to run, it was my FB status updates that I was slugging it out in snow that made her go. WHUT?!!!
Wednesday nights, I join a casual group of friends for our "Run Club." I started with this group last August, when the thought of running 5k without walk intervals seemed implausible. I kept at it, after a HORRIBLE first night, and well, I'm where I am today. The great thing about the group, and what kept me going week after week, what kept me encouraged, was that there was always someone to run with the newer runners. Sometimes, the strongest runner there would hang back and make sure that we "newbies" were doing good, cheering us on. At the end, everyone waits for the last people, hooting and hollering, high fiving, running them in. It's an incredible feeling to feel like SO many believe in you and your abilities, when you yourself may be doubting.
I feel like it's now my turn to give back. Our Run Club has grown by leaps and bounds, with new members joining frequently, and I now choose to stay back and run intervals with those new recruits. It's important to me that they feel that same sense of pride, accomplishment and encouragement that I did, because I want them to have that same exhilarating freedom of meeting their goals, with a smile on their faces as they do it. It's also a happy run for me-watching this growth and strength. Win/win in my books.
I'm not special, I'm not a superstar. What I've accomplished running wise doesn't take anything more than time, patience, training and sheer determination. I want new runners to know they can ABSOLUTELY get 5k and beyond if they want it badly enough.
A week after my grueling 18K hilly hell race, I worried about going out and running a further distance. That race had seemed so monumental. I had set out that morning with a plan, organized, well hydrated, well fueled. Here it was Sunday Long Run day again, and I had 19K planned. I hosted Wine Club the night before and consumed a few glasses of white. I had 4ish hours of sleep. I wasn't sure how hydrated I was going to be. I woke up 45 minutes before my friend Jay was picking me up, and flew around the house like a mad woman.
We headed downtown to run from Hog's Back, up Colonel By to Rideau. Then, down Rideau to Queen Elizabeth, up Queen Elizabeth, around Dow's Lake, cross over a footbridge, back up Colonel By to Hog's Back. It seemed daunting. It was hot out. I wasn't fully prepared. Yet, I had a fantastic run. I felt alive, happy, the sun shining, folks waving and nodding, the beautiful scenery, the water beside. I ran joyously and enjoyed every moment. That afternoon, a little sunburnt and a little dehydrated, I realized I wasn't in the least sore or stiff. In fact, I've felt fantastic since that day.
THAT, that feeling, THAT is why I run. Not every run feels like that. Some are like the grueling 18K race. But every run teaches me something, and I don't just mean physically. I'm thankful that I'm able to run, and that I'm supported in my love of it.
I loved hearing how I'm inspiring others, it's truly what keeps me pushing. If I can in any way help someone find that joyous, heart full moment, than I feel like I've accomplished more than just "started running."
When I'm running, I think of those emails and messages. I think of people that inspire me, I think of my support team, and I also just settle into my Zen. I also think about my journey, with running and life, and how I just keep climbing out and over whatever is thrown my way. This song, cheesy as it may be, is one of my running power songs. I hope maybe it's words help inspire YOU to just keep "pushing on" as well.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qolUC13bwMc
Monday, April 29, 2013
18K And The Floodgates(it's long folks!)
On Sunday morning, after a largely restless Saturday night's sleep, I rose with the sun to prep for an event that I had been getting ready for literally for weeks, months, in advance. My nerves were rattled, I had butterflies, and the day before I'd been nauseous with the thought of what lay ahead.
I tried to self talk, reassuring myself that I was well prepared, and that I'd just treat it like any old Sunday Run Club long distance run. Besides, I was running with a big gaggle of my run club buddies, so having them there would definitely make it feel less scary!
I had laid out all of my washed and ready clothing the day before (PS the running capris are definitely too big. Very slippy for the first 10 minutes!) along with my bib, my charged ipod, my Gu for fuel and my water bottle. (Yes, I only bring one) and my ball cap. I drank my 16 oz of water an hour before I was leaving, to hydrate and umm, get it out, before the race. I had my light but protein filled breakfast (1/2 cup cereal, blueberries, almond milk, a few almonds) and hit the road with my friends Jay and Leigh.
Once at the event, we met up with the rest of our group and did some pre-race photos. Everyone was doing various distances, some 5k, some 10k, several 18k. I literally started to feel supercharged. As the 18k call came, I felt the need for some team RAH RAH so we all put our hands in on top of each other and did a "GO TEAM" kind of thing. I was PUMPED UP!
I was concerned about having people who run my pace to stick with because I didn't know the route at all, plus, I run much better when I can just chat and pretend it's no big thang. We headed out, me hitching up my pants and holding them for the first stretch til they stuck, when my Nike app chimed in at 1 mile in with our distance and my pace. Woah. I knew we were going too fast and I was aware that I should slow it down. There's always this adrenaline surge where everyone is running around you and you just want to GO. It's hard to settle into a sustainable pace with that going on. At least, it's hard for me. We were running a 9:43 minute/mile pace, and my last 16k I had run comfortably at 10:10. I KNEW that was going to be too fast. However, I figured I'd just keep going until I felt like I needed to slow down. The first water station was around the 3k mark, at the top of a HILL. We got to the top and I paused to walk 10 seconds or so while I chugged my water. As I picked up again, I saw my friends were still walking. I kept running, figuring they'd catch up with me in a second. I never saw them again.
I kept on trekking, hovering between 9:43 and 9:50. I wanted to just get the 10k section DONE and the racers doing that distance out of my way. I completed my 5k time in 29 minutes, and then my 10k around 1:05 hours, based on what the girl beside me said. I had spaced on hearing what my Nike app reported. In that time, I followed the rest of my plan I'd decided on pre-race, which was to walk through every water station, and to have my Gu around 50 minutes into my run. I had these older women runners around me, hilarious women, they were doing 10:1's so sometimes they'd be behind me, then they'd be with me, then behind me. At least for the 10k distance. After that, it seems, I lost everyone that had been with me up until that point. I had told the women they were my pace bunnies, but now I was literally on my own.
Can I just mention a moment here how FRIGGIN HILLY this run ended up being? Seriously people. It was challenging. Once I got past the 10k hills, we had to loop around and do the whole thing over again. I've got to say, I'm not a fan of the loop around. It was also starting to get HOT. It felt very warm, and I was wearing all black, including a hat and a tech hoodie. At one point I realized that I was no longer sweating, which I KNEW was not a good sign. Meanwhile, other than the water drinking breaks, I was keeping my pace and still running. I kept a girl in neon pink in my sights for several km's, until I caught up with her and saw she was struggling. I tapped her shoulder, and when she took out her headphones, I told her that I'd been trailing her, and she had to keep going to keep ME going! She nodded with teary eyes, but didn't speak. A French speaking couple behind me chimed in that they, too, had been following her. The man added in, "We (he and his partner) will run beside you, and she (me) will run in front of you! We'll get you going!" I felt a rush of ......I don't even know....just emotion, swell in me. I told her, "Let's get to the water station, we can get our water and walk a bit." Up the hill we went, we got our water, walked maybe 30 seconds, and took off again. The couple ran ahead and we lost them, but I stayed in front of her for a little while longer until I turned back and saw her walking again. At this point, I was heading to the neighbourhood section for the second time, and I was struggling myself. I climbed the second hill and turned into the neighbourhood, and saw the same woman waving from her driveway. She gave me some encouragement and I kept running. As I saw more people in driveways, I kept running. Then, I felt my legs like lead and the sweat stop, and I decided I had better walk a bit.
I can't even tell you how emotional this whole, entire event was for me. A volunteer on a bike raced by me (Thank You redhead dreadlock girl!) and said, "You're FANTASTIC!" and I started crying. Not just little crying, more like, ugly cry. I contained it, but my head was an inner debate of "I AM fantastic!" to "HOW am I going to FINISH this?" The hills, the heat, my pace...it was all coming to this moment. I kept my walking to 30 seconds or less, and started to run again, a bit slower now. Into this internal dialogue for some bit, a man ran by me and said, "You are SO strong! You've been doing incredible! You've got less than 3km to go! You GO, girl!" Cue waterworks #1000. That "less than 3k" seemed very far at this point, my head was all over the place, but I kept just....going.
Just before 16k, there was the last water station. I was hurting, mentally struggling and just wanting to be DONE already. I started to drink and walk and as I threw my cup, I saw the volunteers ahead cheering me on LOUDLY. The one female volunteer was saying, "I SEE you, GIRL. You are almost done! Don't you give up now!" I laughed and started my run again. As I passed her, she high-fived me and said, "Tracey (on my bib) You are AMAZING for doing this. Get it!" It instantly cheered me up and gave me some renewed energy. So, female enthusiastic volunteer, THANK YOU so much. YOU WERE AMAZING.
At 17k ish, an older man volunteer ran a bit with me, his hand on my back. He said he was a heart patient, and my running was for him, and he thanked me for doing it. Again, sob sniff sob. On I went, to the last bend for the end, and then I saw it....the last and final HILL. At 17.5k, there's a huge hill. I almost cried again, I kid you not!
I moved my legs slowly up that hill, just wanting to be DONE already, when my final race angel came up behind me. I had slowed to a walk, and she said, "I've been trying to catch you since 11k and haven't been able to until now. You were FLYING. You CAN'T walk now!" We laughed about the "stupid hills!" and I ran to the top. From there, blissfully, thankfully, it was all downhill to the finish.
As I ran into that final stretch, I heard my name being shouted from various places and I cried with tears and a huge smile. I saw my run buddies and high fived them, got my medal and food and then, the floodgates opened once again and I was a total mess of emotion.
I'm sort of spacey when I finish an event, I'm just decompressing from what just happened and the fact that I DID IT, so I forget to ask everyone else how THEIR runs went for a few moments! Between the crying and the emotion of my friends all having fantastic runs, it was a huge day. I saw Steph and Janice come in and rock their runs, and then I saw Jay and welled up again. Sharing this made it all the more sweet.
We did pictures from there, and waited to watch friends do their 2k and 5k runs, cheering on strangers and our peeps alike. Jay's crazy acute eyesight had her calling out names on bibs, as people sped by to the finish, some with confused looks on their faces. We laughed and kept shouting encouragements.
I have to say, the volunteers made a HUGE difference for me on this run, and I want to thank them whole heartedly. I also need to thank my friends for supporting me all through this crazy adventure, those at the event and those in my heart. Many days and nights, I wouldn't have gone out to run without their pushing and inspiration. Last but not least, I have to thank my family for encouraging me to do this, for putting up with Run Club nights and Sunday long distances, which usually make Sunday a write off with eating all the food and napping!
Honestly, this was one of the best days of my life, SO monumental in scope personally I can't even put it adequately (or apparently succinctly) into words. It was a huge challenge physically, I really pushed myself over distance and obstacles and heat, but also mentally. I don't want to bore you with my crazy cheesy moments(well, any more than I already did, that is!) but I had some very real epiphanies out there on that long, hot run, and despite the sunburn and the sore hips, it was totally worth it.
My time, for those tracking these things, was 1:59:35, including those walks and hills, and I'm uber happy with that.
Now, the training commences once more, for my next challenge, and I have no doubt it will be an incredible journey from here to there.
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Random Tidbits
My friend Jay asked me on the weekend if I was sort of "over" blogging. I don't think I'm done, but it certainly has it's highs and lows. Sometimes I have a ton to say, sometimes life gets busy, sometimes I'd just rather not share with the world, know what I mean?
So, just to switch it up a bit and let you take a peek in to my world and my random ramblings, I thought I'd just post today around a variety of thoughts or events that have been going on or are coming down the pipe for me.
-Sunday was run club. I did a 16k run and finished it in 1:47, and that was taking a walk break for a minute to eat my Gu as well as stopping at lights a few times. Sweeeet. I have a race this weekend, 18k, and while I'm paranoid about getting lost on the route (I don't know the area at all, and it involves foot bridges and side streets and hills and trail paths!) I think I'm good distance wise. I'd like to do it in a certain time frame, and the 16k run was practice for settling into a pace and holding it throughout. I'm worried that I won't have a run partner, which for me makes a HUGE difference in how well I run, so we'll see how it goes. The whole point is just to get a feel for the whole experience. Runs are tricky though, because you can have a great run, and then the next time you go out, just totally stink it up. It all comes down to a science (who knew?) regarding fueling, sleep, fresh legs and eating the right breakfast-light, no dairy, but with protein. Oh, and making sure I really hydrate the day before.
-I had my last Swordplay class. I don't know that I'd sign up for it, especially not in the warmer months when I like to be outside, but I had a great time doing it. The friends I went with made the difference of course, but the instructors and other, more experienced, students were really welcoming and helpful too. It was definitely a neat experience and I like to think I let out my Warrior Princess a little bit while "stabbing people in the face." (They're in masks, calm down! It's the expression they use to make sure you hit your mark.)
-I went to get some new workout clothing because I needed some warmer weather stuff. All of my clothes from last summer are too big and I really needed something to run in that won't be falling off! No one needs to see that! I'm already known in Run Club for constantly hitching up my slippy pants! I got some running capris and a tech jacket. I had a limited time to grab stuff cause my husband was running an errand while I did a quick shop. I grabbed some larges and for laughs some mediums, plus some varied sizes, and headed into the change room to feverishly throw stuff on. I'm not big on caring about sizing because I think it's pretty random and I think for workout wear or skinny jeans it's not very accurate (they have stretch) but I freaked out none the less. The jacket that fit me is an EIGHT and the capris are a medium (also an 8) and are a bit TOO BIG. I wore them to run and they were a bit slippy again! I think they'll be okay for now but I'll have to go back eventually and get another pair (I obviously need more than one pair of running capris for the summer!) in a SMALL. I came home SO excited that I immediately put the outfit on and modelled it for my husband. It met his approval, if you know what I'm saying. wink wink. Okay, I just creeped MYSELF out there. Obviously when I shop for some actual clothes, like jeans that don't stretch, I'll get a better idea of where I am size wise. I'm about 12 lbs away from my first goal weight, a weight I NEVER thought I'd see again, which seems crazy to me. Once there, I'll reassess my goals.
-Food continues to be an up and down thing with me, and while I'm *this* close to my goal, the scale rarely moves. My body, I think, is kinda comfortable where it's at, though I may not be. Of course, my doctor reminded me some weight GAIN is pretty standard when going back on the pill, so the fact I've been holding steady is actually pretty good. I'm still working on tweaking my eating plan, getting in 5 meals a day, getting the combinations right, and not being overly crazy about it either. I'm also trying to not be overly crazy about the poochy stomach that doesn't go away no matter how small my measurements everywhere else get! In my eyes, it just sticks out MORE as it's more visible. D'oh. Ah well, life is about accepting our imperfections along with our strengths, and my husband says no one notices my stomach because of my boobs, legs and "new butt" (ie I now HAVE one) I wish I could take a day and see myself through some more kind/complimentary eyes, because sometimes self talk is BRUTAL.
April is winding down, May is around the corner with sunshine and flowers and new challenges. Time to start making some of those plans for when it's here!
So, just to switch it up a bit and let you take a peek in to my world and my random ramblings, I thought I'd just post today around a variety of thoughts or events that have been going on or are coming down the pipe for me.
-Sunday was run club. I did a 16k run and finished it in 1:47, and that was taking a walk break for a minute to eat my Gu as well as stopping at lights a few times. Sweeeet. I have a race this weekend, 18k, and while I'm paranoid about getting lost on the route (I don't know the area at all, and it involves foot bridges and side streets and hills and trail paths!) I think I'm good distance wise. I'd like to do it in a certain time frame, and the 16k run was practice for settling into a pace and holding it throughout. I'm worried that I won't have a run partner, which for me makes a HUGE difference in how well I run, so we'll see how it goes. The whole point is just to get a feel for the whole experience. Runs are tricky though, because you can have a great run, and then the next time you go out, just totally stink it up. It all comes down to a science (who knew?) regarding fueling, sleep, fresh legs and eating the right breakfast-light, no dairy, but with protein. Oh, and making sure I really hydrate the day before.
-I had my last Swordplay class. I don't know that I'd sign up for it, especially not in the warmer months when I like to be outside, but I had a great time doing it. The friends I went with made the difference of course, but the instructors and other, more experienced, students were really welcoming and helpful too. It was definitely a neat experience and I like to think I let out my Warrior Princess a little bit while "stabbing people in the face." (They're in masks, calm down! It's the expression they use to make sure you hit your mark.)
-I went to get some new workout clothing because I needed some warmer weather stuff. All of my clothes from last summer are too big and I really needed something to run in that won't be falling off! No one needs to see that! I'm already known in Run Club for constantly hitching up my slippy pants! I got some running capris and a tech jacket. I had a limited time to grab stuff cause my husband was running an errand while I did a quick shop. I grabbed some larges and for laughs some mediums, plus some varied sizes, and headed into the change room to feverishly throw stuff on. I'm not big on caring about sizing because I think it's pretty random and I think for workout wear or skinny jeans it's not very accurate (they have stretch) but I freaked out none the less. The jacket that fit me is an EIGHT and the capris are a medium (also an 8) and are a bit TOO BIG. I wore them to run and they were a bit slippy again! I think they'll be okay for now but I'll have to go back eventually and get another pair (I obviously need more than one pair of running capris for the summer!) in a SMALL. I came home SO excited that I immediately put the outfit on and modelled it for my husband. It met his approval, if you know what I'm saying. wink wink. Okay, I just creeped MYSELF out there. Obviously when I shop for some actual clothes, like jeans that don't stretch, I'll get a better idea of where I am size wise. I'm about 12 lbs away from my first goal weight, a weight I NEVER thought I'd see again, which seems crazy to me. Once there, I'll reassess my goals.
-Food continues to be an up and down thing with me, and while I'm *this* close to my goal, the scale rarely moves. My body, I think, is kinda comfortable where it's at, though I may not be. Of course, my doctor reminded me some weight GAIN is pretty standard when going back on the pill, so the fact I've been holding steady is actually pretty good. I'm still working on tweaking my eating plan, getting in 5 meals a day, getting the combinations right, and not being overly crazy about it either. I'm also trying to not be overly crazy about the poochy stomach that doesn't go away no matter how small my measurements everywhere else get! In my eyes, it just sticks out MORE as it's more visible. D'oh. Ah well, life is about accepting our imperfections along with our strengths, and my husband says no one notices my stomach because of my boobs, legs and "new butt" (ie I now HAVE one) I wish I could take a day and see myself through some more kind/complimentary eyes, because sometimes self talk is BRUTAL.
April is winding down, May is around the corner with sunshine and flowers and new challenges. Time to start making some of those plans for when it's here!
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