Thursday, November 26, 2009

The Voice of Doom

I feel like everything I have to say lately is depressing and morose. It's not like me to be such a downer, or at least to talk about it out loud. However, that's just the way things are lately.

So, on to more crappy news......My Dad had another stroke the other night. He's doing okay, regained his speech and back to dialysis, but it's another setback nonetheless. It's also pretty much what is going to happen from now on. They can't give him blood thinners due to his other medications and conditions, so they've pretty much told him he's just going to continue having these strokes until one kills him. I think this is stroke number four. My Dad chose to go home and just live his life, or whatever is remaining of his life. The problem is, he hasn't been back there very long each time he tries to go "home." Inevitably, he's back in the hospital with a stroke.

It's difficult for my siblings and I here in Canada, because my Dad is so far away. We wait on pins and needles for that next phone call or email saying that he's gone. It's difficult for my Dad waiting for something worse to happen to him, as well. It's difficult on his wife to have to take care of him and worry about him, when her own health is precarious.

That's a lot of worry.

And hence why I'm a Debbie Downer as of late.

But I'm thankful as well. Thankful that this wasn't the one to signal the end. Thankful that my Dad continues to fight, because honestly at this point, all that is keeping him alive is his own will. Thankful that I've inherited a fighting spirit. Thankful that my fairly non-existent relationship with my Dad has strengthened since I had children of my own. Thankful for the times we've had and that we had that time.

And especially thankful that today is a new day, where the possibilities are endless and anything can change on a dime for the better.

That right there isn't a buzzkill, for once. It's called HOPE. Though things seem pretty dark, there's always that light shining on. I'm trying to keep it lit, even when I'm confronted with doom.

Just like my Dad.

1 comment:

  1. Hang in there Trace, you do have a lot to be thankful for!