Friday, July 13, 2012
We had been in the pool all afternoon, and were back in the house, hair all salty and messy. I was reaching into the fridge to grab something to grill for dinner, with the plan of a salad on the side and some grilled veggies, when the feeling hit me. Standing there in my bare feet, no makeup on my face for the 10th day in a row, I realized, "I wish I lived like this every day."
I'm not a heat girl, unless I'm by the water. If I'm beach or poolside, bring it on! I've been thinking a lot lately (I know, big surprise!) that I ache for a simple, beachy life. I would be ecstatically happy to spend days by the water, my hair a tangled wavy messy and with easy, comfy shorts and a tee thrown on, without a thought or care in the world about "outfits" and looking "put together." It's truly when I'm happiest. I get up in the morning and I'm ready to go in less than 10 minutes. I quickly run a brush through my unruly mane, brush my teeth and go.
There was a Dalai Lama quote on Pinterest that really struck me, about how we're all living in bigger houses, with more things, but less time. We're all busy with so much in our lives, and we don't have time to enjoy any of it. Maybe it's nearing 40 and that whole "mid-life crisis" thing is for real, but I am at this point of re-evaluation. Is the daily rote what life is truly all about? Is this it for the next "however long?"
Moving back to Ottawa was supposed to be for a better quality of life, to be able to pursue "more." I'm SO happy to be back with my oldest besties, with the capability of seeing them all whenever time and schedules allow, and I'd be sad to have to give that up yet again. On top of that, I really feel like it's time to let my kids have a bunch of years in one place, to finish school together with a group they know more than a year or two or maybe three. I'm not "unhappy" here. In a weird twist of events, I just want....less.....and Ottawa is all about "more." Or so it seems, anyways.
I'd love a smaller, beachier house on the water. A place where I get up in the morning and throw on the same shorts and t-shirt as I wore yesterday to sip coffee by the waves. Where I could swim and sun and run. Where I could make easy dinners in my bare feet. Where maybe I had less, but my soul felt free and like it could soar. It's Canada, so I know winter would change those bare feet into fuzzy socks, but maybe the months of hippy ease would linger to dull the winter's chill in my bones.
This really isn't about Halifax....it's more about redefining the "dream," I guess. Even though I'm an anxious OCD type, somewhere in there is a bit of a beach girl that doesn't care about what kind of car we drive or the size of our home or keeping up with the Jones. I've just realized that I'm halfway through my life-if I'm lucky-and my vision for the future is different than what it was 20, 15, 10, or 3 years ago.
I'm not sure where that dreaming will lead, or what will happen, because who ever knows these things, but for now, I'm enjoying every messy, freckled, sun kissed, salty haired moment.