Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Breaking Into March

This week is March Break for the kids, and if you're me,  that means a house full of yelling, screaming, running, laughing, arguing. Yikes.

One thing about having kids here all day, every day is that, I really don't know how you work outside the home people ever get a workout in. I really don't. I also now remember how I gained weight when my kids were little. I'm not a morning person, I basically peel myself out of bed at the last possible second and try to debate my way out of slumber, so morning workouts before anyone is up really don't work that well for me. Once the kids are gone, it's already dinner time and heaven forbid if I'm not super fast at making that happen for the "starving" masses. By the time dinner is finished and tidied, going out to run or downstairs to workout is the last thing I want to even consider doing.

The bad thing about all of this (okay, ONE of the bad things, because there is really no upside) is that I'm HORRIBLY grumpy if I don't workout and give the endorphins a kick. I'm blaming lack of exercise, but I'm not entirely convinced that the birth control pills I re-started also aren't making me a wee bit....crazy. I'm not kidding. I feel like I'm on some roller coaster of rage, tears, anxiety. It's almost manic. I know...back to the doctor I go. I'm not even 40 yet and I feel like this train is veering dangerously off the tracks!

In good news, I ran 16k on the weekend and I killed it. I ran with a fast, experienced runner and she encouraged me to play with "pushing it." I can usually push my pace for a bit, then I fall back to my comfort zone. On a big distance like this, I didn't want to push too much and then not have any fuel in the tank to finish strong. I was maintaining a 9:42-9:52 min/mile pace, which converts to around 6 min/km. Yes!!! This was still in icy conditions and I walked while I ate my fuel and stopped at stoplights. When I entered that pace in the pace calculator for a half, it has me completing around 2:10. YES again! Though, running is a crap shoot and you never know, run to run, what they will look like. I know I struggled some of that run. I had a LOT of inner dialogue going on once I hit the turn around. I started to get super anxious about completing the distance and being able to make it back. As I stressed in my head, I just kept running. I'm excited that it's only March and my pace has picked up already. I still have many months to train for the half and I can't wait to see where this all leads.

The best part of that run was that at Wine Club that evening, my friend Katie (a huge inspiration to me, and someone who has completed 3 MARATHONS in 9 months and is a super speedster!) made the comment that she'd never met a "more natural runner."  Whaaaaaat? I totally don't see it, but I'll take it! I told everyone who would listen that she'd said that to me. She said when she started running, she really struggled with some distances, and she's been amazed that I'm still chatting, haven't had to medicate or hot/cold bath after, haven't had any aches/pains/injuries. (knock on wood)  Heck, I barely fuel. It doesn't feel "natural" to me at all, and I really battle internally, but running does make me feel free. It also takes me away from stresses and worries and helps me refocus when cascading thoughts start to fill my brain.(like, on the daily)

I'm writing this just itching to grab my runners and head out the door.

 Maybe dinner will have to wait a little bit, tonight.


  1. Okay, you seriously realize how awesome this is, right? How far you've come in the past year? That is freaking AMAZING!!

  2. Sometimes I do, Sharon. Other times, I beat myself up for not doing/being more. Sigh. I keep plugging away though...and there is something to be said for that!

  3. you are most definitely a natural runner, I have never met someone like you :) Its been so neat to watch you from the "get go" so to speak. I'm worried about all the anxiety your feeling. No stranger to anxiety and know how CRUSHING it can be. Hope you find some calm and ease :)

    1. Oh Katie. You make me smile. My girl crush grows larger by the day. :)
      Who know that girl last August at Run Club with the stitch in her side struggling to get 5k would be doing a half a year later? It will be exactly a year, on the same date, from 5k to half. Crazy. A huge, large chunk of that credit goes to YOU, for motivating, supporting, running with me, and encouraging and believing in me. I don't even think you know how many of us you have personally had a hand in touching. You are an amazing, incredible inspiration, Katie.

      I'm working through anxiety. It's genetic. Ugh. I have techniques to use (including avoidance lol) but little by little I know I'll be okay. Just need to rewire some of these old brain patterns to more positive new ones. :)