Open Up!

I'm a very private person and tend to keep most aspects of my life on the down low. I'm not the friend that's going to pour my heart out, telling you every little detail about my relationship, my sex life, my struggles or even my history. It stems from not being trusting, I guess, but it's also just how I'm made.

I've been trying, however, to open up more. The thing I've learned is that, pride and ego aside, when I open up to my friends, the world doesn't come crashing in around me, they don't judge me or my situation, they don't gossip and try to hurt me. Of course they don't-that's why they are my friends in the first place! I've always known that I COULD open up to them, but I've never wanted to burden my friends, and I've also always feared showing a side of me that's "messy."

I know I'm not perfect, nor do I try to be. Believe me, it would be impossible, given what all has happened in my life, to even try to act like everything was hunky dory all of the time. Somehow though, a lot of people seem to think I come off that way, and it makes me laugh to myself a little.

I DO try to live the best life I can, despite circumstances. I absolutely try to make everything around me work as seamlessly as possible.  I desperately try to create magic and wonder and happiness for my girls. Above all else, I try to remain positive and hopeful, even in the face of challenge.

I've been testing the waters a bit, letting stresses and fears that plague me take shape outside of my head and inside conversations with friends. Shockingly, not one friend has turned up their nose or gloated at my struggles. They've all, instead, immediately rallied and encouraged and held up. Man, I love them!. They are the family I have created for myself, and their love sustains me.

Don't get me wrong, there are ALWAYS going to be the haters out there that are full of glee to hear of an other's misfortune. They feel better about themselves and their situations I guess when someone else is having a difficult time. I used to worry what they would say or think, but now? That negativity is their own flaw and I realize it comes from their own insecurity or ego, and that's totally okay. I'm not about that, and it's why I choose to surround myself with positive, strong, healthy individuals who know that at some point, we are ALL going to be  in each others' shoes in some way, shape or form.  I'll be there for them when the time comes, just as surely as they've been there for me-whatever the situation.

Little by little, I peel back the layers of the walls around my heart and with tiny, baby steps I start opening myself up to everything that is out there for me.

If you don't open yourself up and let people in, you can't be upset when you find yourself alone.