I've had my oldest daughter home with me the last two days, she started a cough and sore throat over the weekend and it's lingering which is also affecting her sleep. (or lack thereof) I don't know what it is as of late, but I've been very emotional for the last few weeks, prone to tearing up over the slightest commercial, TV show, things people say. On top of that, I've been feeling sort of nostalgic for "the ways things used to be." I wouldn't want to go BACK, don't get me wrong, because EVERY stage of life is fraught with it's own set of challenges and obstacles, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit I'm a bit melancholy about how quickly time seems to fly.
My daughter has been snuggling with me in my bed during the day, which I am in total HEAVEN about. She's a pre-teen and I know these times are getting to be more and more rare. Sometimes, looking at her, I can see the woman she is going to be, and other times, she looks exactly like the little girl I've been guiding to grow.
Last night, as I was putting my youngest to bed, she was chatting away about her day, ideas she has for things she'd like to do, plans she's made for school or friends and family. As she was lying in bed talking, she began to sort of twirl her hair on one side. Immediately, I was whisked back into my memory banks of her as an infant and toddler. The "hair twirl" was one of the clues to let us know she was on the verge of sleep. She hasn't done that in a long, long time and it struck me right in the heart to see her back there.
I've made the mistake today of looking at old videos and photos, snapshots of trips and family vacations, holidays and daily life. I say mistake because given my current sappiness, I'm teary again. Heck, I'm tearing up writing this, currently.
The moments with my family are, and I can say this unequivocally, THE best times of my life. When my life "flashes before my eyes" it won't be trips and clothes and houses I see, it'll be first steps, hugs and kisses, and "I love you Mummy's."
I know I can't freeze time, nor keep my kids from the amazing lives they are to etch out for themselves, and I certainly wouldn't want to do so. I continue to love each moment where I get to just be close to them, be welcome and wanted in their lives, and to hold them for just one minute more in my arms and heart. I can only bask in the present and what we have, and look both forward to the future and what it holds, while still remembering all the wonderful from the past.
Memories fill me today, sustain me on days that are rough, and bring me hope for tomorrow.
Beautiful. Sounds like you are the kind of mom that really loves being a mom. You know there are some that seem to do it because they're suppose to but it just doesn't come easily or natrually to them. Sounds like you are a natural. You daughters are lucky to have you and have this to look back on. It's one thing to have memories, pictures and videos. It's an amazing gift for them to be able to look back on and really know you the way you know them.
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