My Mom was verrrrry big on us having, and using, "proper" manners as children. She believed in taking us out, even at very young ages, to fancy restaurants so that we would need to use our manners. If we had a family dinner and you didn't act accordingly, well, it wouldn't have been pretty. My mom's philosophy came from her father, who would often say, "How you act in public and the world is a reflection of not only yourself, but your family and background." In our home, manners weren't saved for special outings or occasions either, it was a part of daily life. I continue that belief with my own children.
My husband, on the other hand, calls my manners "crazy" and "extreme." We literally get into petty arguments about the mere words "thank you." Here's an example of a situation-when we go through Tim Horton's drive through, they tell us how much it will cost. When we get up to the window, my husband will take his coffee from the clerk and give them the money. Inevitably, most of the them will then say, "thank you." At this point, my husband drives away, with me shouting back "thank you!!!!" It drives him nuts. His thinking is that THEY need to thank us for our patronage, where as we don't need to thank them for handing a coffee out a window because "it's their job." I totally disagree. We could go on and on here about how his argument is flawed. There are many "jobs" where you would still thank the person for their time, effort, prompt service, whatever the case may be.
That's not the only instance. When we go out as a family, I'm particular about my children's eating, proper linen napkin placement on their laps, using their cutlery properly, not getting up from the table, asking to be excused and all of what I call the "basics." My husband, sometimes, thinks they should just be allowed to be "kids." My thinking is that if you practice when they are young (really from the moment you start taking them out!) then as they get older it will be second nature and not a struggle. We've had many people, including strangers, comment on our children's manners. I don't think it's a punishment or penance to be taught how to act in social settings. If anything, it's to their betterment and ease in such situations.
When we took the girls to their new school to register, the principal came out and started chatting to my daughters. She said her name to my eldest daughter. My eldest, without prompting of any sort, stuck out her hand and said her name was A. and it was nice to meet the principal. Then, my youngest said, "And I'm B" and also stuck out her hand to shake hands. The principal looked shocked. Actually shocked. She looked at me and said, "what wonderful manners your children have! It's rare nowadays that I ever see that!" I have to be honest, even "I' was a bit shocked because usually I've had to prompt that exchange. I was also supremely proud.
My kids are by no means perfect. It's not perfection I'm expecting though. I do expect kindness to others, being helpful, and knowing how to act according to the requirements of the social settings in which they may find themselves.
The downfall of being so "mannered" however, is that I'm always conscious of when I've flubbed in that department. I will go over and over the occasion where I messed up in my mind and beat myself up for it. I can, off the top of my head, think of two instances that happened recently. Why can I pull such little scenarios up so readily? It's because I beat myself up for days, in my head, over my mistakes.
The first happened when my husband and I went to pick up my youngest from school. We were waiting outside and she came out in a long line of kids with an adult in the front. I said "hello" to the adult, whom I guessed was a teacher and potentially MY child's teacher, and then gathered my daughter. After dropping her line at the bus stops, the teacher came by again and chatted a bit to my daughter while my husband and I sat on the bench nearby. When we left, I realized that I should have stood up and introduced myself properly. I just wasn't thinking at all because the exchange was quick and casual. Do you think I just shrugged it off though? Nope. It lingered in my mind for days afterwards and what she must think of my horrific faux-pas. My husband laughs at that kind of thing and says that he doubts anyone but me even notices or cares.
The second happened when I was out walking my dog. As often happens, I was stopped by a man out walking with his dog. He was commenting on my dog being so cute and asking various questions about her age and name, as well as telling me what he knew about the breed and the temperament. I thanked him for his compliments and time, and walked on. I was about 3 minutes in when I again sank with the realization that I never asked any questions about his dog or made any compliments his way. Sigh. My mind kept going over and over that moment, off and on throughout the day.
While my husband says that I'm "hoity toity" with my manners, I disagree. To me, having manners is about showing appreciation and being kind. It's about being grateful and making others feel comfortable and accepted. Yes, it's also about being elegant and refined. I think that manners are one small way that human beings can be kind to one another and make the world a little less ugly.
I don't think one would ever regret having manners that were "too good" as opposed to being put on the spot by not having any. You can't go wrong with being polite. You may regret being rude, or may be embarassed by not knowing what fork to start with when eating, but you'll never be ashamed to act overly conscientious.
Thank you for listening. It was very polite of you to do so!
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Monday, September 20, 2010
Reigning It In
I feel like my life as of late, okay as of forever, is a constant tug of war battle of "health" vs "caution to the wind." I feel like I go through these spurts of being on a super healthy track and then suddenly, for weeks on end, I'm a sloth that guzzles Party Mix and sleeps five hours(if that) a night.
Oh, I'm no idiot. (contrary to popular belief!) I know that my eating habits are tied to my emotional habits. When I'm either in a very good place, or when I'm trying to "prove something," my eating and sleeping and lifestyle habits are exemplary. When I'm in a down place, I hover at the bottom of the food chain. Literally.
When we found out that we were moving, I spent long days cleaning and painting and fixing. I would get up and grab a coffee and start working. I'd often forget about meals or just grab something little or fast, on the go. I'd collapse into bed at a reasonable time and sleep like the dead. Food was the last thing on my priority list.
Then, when the move date arrived, we started our road trip. For some odd reason, that opened up indulging in whatever was fastest, easiest, and not necessarily healthiest. I sleep horribly away from home, so that was an issue as well. I found myself in new surroundings with two kids and a dog all day, and the munchies left a permanent butt dent in my sofa. My waistline and my skin have paid the price.
I make deals with myself, the latest being that I'll "get back on track" once we are in our new home. So, 10 days and counting. I know I'll be busy with painting and cleaning and fixing and arranging and unpacking, so chances are good that food, again, will be an afterthought. I somehow need to put this emotional eating or boredom eating out of my life for good, though. I haven't quite figured out how to do that, yet.
My friend suggested "Women, Food, and God" by Geneen Roth. I guess it was on Oprah and it's been a "life changing book" for many women who cry into their almond m&m's. (or something) I might check it out. I just know that I need to do something to get off of this roller coaster, and I know that my health, skin and emotional well-being will all thank me.
For now, wine and Party Mix are my current best friends, however will power and I seem to have parted ways.
I need an intervention, stat.
Oh, I'm no idiot. (contrary to popular belief!) I know that my eating habits are tied to my emotional habits. When I'm either in a very good place, or when I'm trying to "prove something," my eating and sleeping and lifestyle habits are exemplary. When I'm in a down place, I hover at the bottom of the food chain. Literally.
When we found out that we were moving, I spent long days cleaning and painting and fixing. I would get up and grab a coffee and start working. I'd often forget about meals or just grab something little or fast, on the go. I'd collapse into bed at a reasonable time and sleep like the dead. Food was the last thing on my priority list.
Then, when the move date arrived, we started our road trip. For some odd reason, that opened up indulging in whatever was fastest, easiest, and not necessarily healthiest. I sleep horribly away from home, so that was an issue as well. I found myself in new surroundings with two kids and a dog all day, and the munchies left a permanent butt dent in my sofa. My waistline and my skin have paid the price.
I make deals with myself, the latest being that I'll "get back on track" once we are in our new home. So, 10 days and counting. I know I'll be busy with painting and cleaning and fixing and arranging and unpacking, so chances are good that food, again, will be an afterthought. I somehow need to put this emotional eating or boredom eating out of my life for good, though. I haven't quite figured out how to do that, yet.
My friend suggested "Women, Food, and God" by Geneen Roth. I guess it was on Oprah and it's been a "life changing book" for many women who cry into their almond m&m's. (or something) I might check it out. I just know that I need to do something to get off of this roller coaster, and I know that my health, skin and emotional well-being will all thank me.
For now, wine and Party Mix are my current best friends, however will power and I seem to have parted ways.
I need an intervention, stat.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Daycare Haterade
My children have started going to a before and after school program for the time being. It's just for three weeks while we are homeless (okay, temp digs) but if you talked to them about it, it's a lifetime of pure, rotten, evil stank.
They hate it. How COULD we DARE do this to them?
Since we are currently living nowhere near the school district, my husband drives them to school and picks them up each day. Their new school is actually like five minutes from his work so in that way, it's peachy. The problem which necessitated a school age program is two fold. One problem was that he was arriving later than he needed to each morning. The second problem was that there are two different dismissal times for their grades, a half hour apart, and pretty early in the afternoon. This meant my husband had to leave work pretty much after his lunch, pick up one, sit around, pick up the other. He was working half days at best.
We checked into the school and they had a before and after program with space. Excellent news! They also were willing to take us for just the short time period. Better still! They told me about activities they do, healthy snacks, outdoor play. As an ECE myself, it was pretty familiar stuff to me and sounded good.
My daughters, however, are not feelin' the love.
Even though I've owned and run a home daycare for 10 years, my daughters have always had the luxury of being at home. They've never had to attend a program anywhere else. They would get off the bus after school and hang out in their own home with some down time. They are finding the day very long right now.
I've told them that some kids have gone to daycare (horror of horrors!) their entire lives! That for some kids, EVERY day is "that long" including all summer! They said they don't care about other kids. Nice that I've raised such compassionate human beings.
The program itself is fun. They see their friends for even longer, they colour and do crafts, they run around outside like crazy people. The issues we are having are getting out of the door on time (ie before the sun is even awake!) in the morning, and having motivation to do homework in a swift and efficient manner at night. It's taking forever to get the work done, and then coupled with dinner later and baths means it's also a late bedtime. See the cycle I'm drawing out for you here? Yep, earlier, crankier mornings on less sleep. It's fun times in my house! Or..whatever.
I hope, actually, that this is a wake up call for them to realize how good they've had it, always having a Mom at home. That message has two more weeks to sink in so I kind of DO hope the days are long for them and they are thankful and appreciative once their hellish daycare days come to an end.
A girl can dream, can't she?
They hate it. How COULD we DARE do this to them?
Since we are currently living nowhere near the school district, my husband drives them to school and picks them up each day. Their new school is actually like five minutes from his work so in that way, it's peachy. The problem which necessitated a school age program is two fold. One problem was that he was arriving later than he needed to each morning. The second problem was that there are two different dismissal times for their grades, a half hour apart, and pretty early in the afternoon. This meant my husband had to leave work pretty much after his lunch, pick up one, sit around, pick up the other. He was working half days at best.
We checked into the school and they had a before and after program with space. Excellent news! They also were willing to take us for just the short time period. Better still! They told me about activities they do, healthy snacks, outdoor play. As an ECE myself, it was pretty familiar stuff to me and sounded good.
My daughters, however, are not feelin' the love.
Even though I've owned and run a home daycare for 10 years, my daughters have always had the luxury of being at home. They've never had to attend a program anywhere else. They would get off the bus after school and hang out in their own home with some down time. They are finding the day very long right now.
I've told them that some kids have gone to daycare (horror of horrors!) their entire lives! That for some kids, EVERY day is "that long" including all summer! They said they don't care about other kids. Nice that I've raised such compassionate human beings.
The program itself is fun. They see their friends for even longer, they colour and do crafts, they run around outside like crazy people. The issues we are having are getting out of the door on time (ie before the sun is even awake!) in the morning, and having motivation to do homework in a swift and efficient manner at night. It's taking forever to get the work done, and then coupled with dinner later and baths means it's also a late bedtime. See the cycle I'm drawing out for you here? Yep, earlier, crankier mornings on less sleep. It's fun times in my house! Or..whatever.
I hope, actually, that this is a wake up call for them to realize how good they've had it, always having a Mom at home. That message has two more weeks to sink in so I kind of DO hope the days are long for them and they are thankful and appreciative once their hellish daycare days come to an end.
A girl can dream, can't she?
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Acting Dumb Is Kind?
This may be controversial, or anti-feminist, or stepping on SOMEONE's toes out there (cause there is always a someone that has a something to say about a nothing) but here goes: sometimes, I pretend I'm clueless.
Don't get me wrong, there are times when I don't NEED to pretend. I just don't get "it," whatever that "it" at that time may be. There is truly nothing that frustrates me more, either. On top of being a huge, nerdy perfectionist, I'm also competitive and hate being wrong. If I can't understand a topic or instruction, I get flustered and tend to shut down. I find this happens a lot when it's my husband trying to explain something to me. Riddle me that.
Yet, other times, and please don't say you don't do this, I just kind of act.......well, dumb. I'm not sure why that is because I loathe stupidity in others. If I'm talking to someone who is kindly and trying to explain something to me, (that I already clearly understand) I'll act like it's the most fascinating instructions EVER and like they are imparting some great wisdom. I do a lot of head nodding and "OH mmm hmmmm's" as well. It doesn't have to be a man talking down to a "little lady" either. It could be the school secretary telling me how the buses work for that school, even though I researched it online 5x and have it written down already at home, and I'll act like it's brand spanking new information. I swear that's just an EXAMPLE.
There's just some part of me that feels badly for shutting someone down with a "ya, I know." I feel like it gives them a sense of purpose or importance to act like the several minutes of imparted tidbits are needed. I'm just THAT nice, I guess.
Or, maybe I'm just really THAT dumb, after all.
Mmmmm Hmmmm.
Don't get me wrong, there are times when I don't NEED to pretend. I just don't get "it," whatever that "it" at that time may be. There is truly nothing that frustrates me more, either. On top of being a huge, nerdy perfectionist, I'm also competitive and hate being wrong. If I can't understand a topic or instruction, I get flustered and tend to shut down. I find this happens a lot when it's my husband trying to explain something to me. Riddle me that.
Yet, other times, and please don't say you don't do this, I just kind of act.......well, dumb. I'm not sure why that is because I loathe stupidity in others. If I'm talking to someone who is kindly and trying to explain something to me, (that I already clearly understand) I'll act like it's the most fascinating instructions EVER and like they are imparting some great wisdom. I do a lot of head nodding and "OH mmm hmmmm's" as well. It doesn't have to be a man talking down to a "little lady" either. It could be the school secretary telling me how the buses work for that school, even though I researched it online 5x and have it written down already at home, and I'll act like it's brand spanking new information. I swear that's just an EXAMPLE.
There's just some part of me that feels badly for shutting someone down with a "ya, I know." I feel like it gives them a sense of purpose or importance to act like the several minutes of imparted tidbits are needed. I'm just THAT nice, I guess.
Or, maybe I'm just really THAT dumb, after all.
Mmmmm Hmmmm.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Found My Way Back Out Of The Hole!
Well, I've finally clawed my way back out of the debris left by "pack up your life and change everything in two months!" Ya, it's been fun. This blog post, also, may not be fun. It's been almost a month, a huge month, so I'll catch you up on this ride I've been taking to "Insanity Junction."
Shortly after my last blog post, which was my youngest's birthday post, our house was sold and we packed up some meager belongings (okay, enough to fit like 6 suitcases but in the grand scheme of day to day living and back to school going-that ain't a lot!) and hit the road. It took us three days, two hotel nights and much yelling, pulling over at rest stops, and eating crappy food, but we made it to our new home, several provinces away.
We are living in temporary accommodations, but these are no crappy digs! There's a pool, a hot tub, swanky restaurants and pubs all around, and it's ocean side. You can't really complain. The bad part is, it's not a "home." We don't have any of our "stuff" (except the suitcases of "must haves" that is) and to take the dog out is annoying with an elevator ride and tons of people stopping to pet her. It's got most of the amenities of a home, but just not the comfort or the smells and colours and textures that make up our life.
My girls started school, which is going well. It's a bit of a tightrope act trying to figure out curriculum and where they are at compared to what they did at their old school. They've made friends, been invited to birthdays already, joined clubs and groups, and have had field trips planned. Next week will start the crazy planning for their other activities-dancing and swimming and theatre classes. Once we get into a groove of a daily routine, then get into our new home, I think we'll all feel a bit more settled.
As to me? It's all a bit strange. We're all taken with the city, it's culture, it's beauty, it's amenities. I feel like we're on vacation though. An extended vacation of sorts. While everyone else has new jobs and new schools to keep them busy-I'm just sort of here. I don't have a house to clean and keep up-there is someone that does that for me. I walk the dog several times a day, but that gets old and is kind of lonely. I'm someone that likes the company of others, but also has a tendency to isolate if I'm allowed to do so, or wary of change. I could go shopping and check out stores, but I did that a few days and really-I'm not a huge shopper. It's only a few weeks away til our move in date, and I'm looking forward to that because I'll also be busy setting up a new home, finding new places for old things, buying new things, painting and organizing. As you've heard before, nothing makes me happier than organizing!
We've gone on tour groups here, checked out farmer's markets, looked in shops, eaten at many "signature" restaurants, gorged on seafood, gorged on sweets, gorged on wine. Did I mention my expanding waistline? Ya, that's got to start disappearing in a workout routine too! We've hiked historic forts, threw rocks in the ocean, discovered starfish.
I feel like this move has changed so much in our lives. I'm not really decided yet in what ways or how it will manifest itself, but like the move before, it's paramount that we start making this home and making a life here. The sooner we get involved and socially active, the sooner we'll feel like we can't imagine leaving. Our families and friends are farther away, so hopefully we also have amazing visits to boost our spirits and keep us moving steadily forward. That's all we can do-keep moving one foot in front of the other forward. My legs are swinging those steps, but my arms are behind my back with my fingers crossed tightly. I'm wishing on happiness, health, energy, acceptance, contentment and peace.
It's a new province, a new home, a new job, and a new "us."
The adventure is just beginning.......
Shortly after my last blog post, which was my youngest's birthday post, our house was sold and we packed up some meager belongings (okay, enough to fit like 6 suitcases but in the grand scheme of day to day living and back to school going-that ain't a lot!) and hit the road. It took us three days, two hotel nights and much yelling, pulling over at rest stops, and eating crappy food, but we made it to our new home, several provinces away.
We are living in temporary accommodations, but these are no crappy digs! There's a pool, a hot tub, swanky restaurants and pubs all around, and it's ocean side. You can't really complain. The bad part is, it's not a "home." We don't have any of our "stuff" (except the suitcases of "must haves" that is) and to take the dog out is annoying with an elevator ride and tons of people stopping to pet her. It's got most of the amenities of a home, but just not the comfort or the smells and colours and textures that make up our life.
My girls started school, which is going well. It's a bit of a tightrope act trying to figure out curriculum and where they are at compared to what they did at their old school. They've made friends, been invited to birthdays already, joined clubs and groups, and have had field trips planned. Next week will start the crazy planning for their other activities-dancing and swimming and theatre classes. Once we get into a groove of a daily routine, then get into our new home, I think we'll all feel a bit more settled.
As to me? It's all a bit strange. We're all taken with the city, it's culture, it's beauty, it's amenities. I feel like we're on vacation though. An extended vacation of sorts. While everyone else has new jobs and new schools to keep them busy-I'm just sort of here. I don't have a house to clean and keep up-there is someone that does that for me. I walk the dog several times a day, but that gets old and is kind of lonely. I'm someone that likes the company of others, but also has a tendency to isolate if I'm allowed to do so, or wary of change. I could go shopping and check out stores, but I did that a few days and really-I'm not a huge shopper. It's only a few weeks away til our move in date, and I'm looking forward to that because I'll also be busy setting up a new home, finding new places for old things, buying new things, painting and organizing. As you've heard before, nothing makes me happier than organizing!
We've gone on tour groups here, checked out farmer's markets, looked in shops, eaten at many "signature" restaurants, gorged on seafood, gorged on sweets, gorged on wine. Did I mention my expanding waistline? Ya, that's got to start disappearing in a workout routine too! We've hiked historic forts, threw rocks in the ocean, discovered starfish.
I feel like this move has changed so much in our lives. I'm not really decided yet in what ways or how it will manifest itself, but like the move before, it's paramount that we start making this home and making a life here. The sooner we get involved and socially active, the sooner we'll feel like we can't imagine leaving. Our families and friends are farther away, so hopefully we also have amazing visits to boost our spirits and keep us moving steadily forward. That's all we can do-keep moving one foot in front of the other forward. My legs are swinging those steps, but my arms are behind my back with my fingers crossed tightly. I'm wishing on happiness, health, energy, acceptance, contentment and peace.
It's a new province, a new home, a new job, and a new "us."
The adventure is just beginning.......
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Seven Years Ago
Seven years ago on Aug. 19th, my youngest daughter was tugged into this world. It was a planned c-section and I was told it would take a mere twenty minutes or so. For days before my scheduled surgery, we had a huge blackout in the city where I lived. "Elective" surgeries were cancelled, so I wasn't sure if I'd even be going in that planned day. It was hot, I was near my due date, and hugely pregnant. The idea of not having her arrive was not very welcome. Luckily, arrive she did.
As they went to pull her out, they realized she was wedged in there very well. Apparently, I have no room in there, something I should have learned with my first daughter. They got out the vacuum (yes, on a c-section) and still she wouldn't come out. The twenty minute counter came and went. They tugged with several pairs of hands, alternately pushing and pulling. Still, nothing. Finally, they got out the forceps. You would think with all of that, she'd be some massive baby girl. Nope. She was delivered into the world all 19 inches and 6.12 lbs of her. I thought my eldest was a small baby, and here was a second baby even smaller.
When they brought her over to me, all wrapped up and clean, my first sight was dark blue eyes framed by a crop of dark brown curls. She was quiet and calm and honestly, looked like a doll. Even the nurses would tell me that in the days following.
The difference in my birth experiences was incredible. My first delivery was thirty plus hours of pain resulting in an emergency c-section. Then, from there, it took weeks of healing for swelling to go down and to figure out my eldest had fractured her skull during the whole process. Despite that whole horrible train of events, my eldest was the easiest, most calm and quiet baby. It kind of made up for the loud, difficult path prior to her birth.
My second pregnancy should have been my first hint that this child was going to be VERY different than my first. It was still a relatively easy pregnancy, but I had horrible heartburn. I never got sick, but I felt like it off and on for the first months, almost daily. While I had to drink oj and lie on my side to make sure I felt enough kicks in pregnancy number 1, there was no doubting the kicking and punching with this one. Then came the easy recovery after the birth. Within hours of delivery, I felt awesome. I was begging to be up and about, disconnected from all of the tubes and wires that limited my walking and even going to the bathroom on my own. I should have realized that these were all signs of what was to come.
After leaving the hospital, we spent a week or two with a sleepy, quiet baby. That quickly changed. My youngest had colic that lasted all day, every day. The only time she wasn't crying was when she was sleeping. She could be the sweetest, most shy little girl, or the loudest, most intense. She was happiest in my arms, and within minutes of anyone else holding her, wanted back with me. Once the colic made an exit, I realized that her personality wasn't going to be that different.
To this day, she is the child that loves me hard, and rails at me just as strongly. She can't be dissuaded when her mind is set. She knows what she wants when she wants it, and will persevere until she gets it. Sometimes that's to my detriment, but sometimes it makes me beam with pride. She can still be shy and clingy, whispering in my ear rather than saying what she needs out loud. She can also be entertaining for a crowd, putting a smile on everyone's face and making us all laugh at her antics. She enjoys math and will spend hours doing addition and subtractions on a paper at the table. She carries a bag full of books around the house, and owns more journals and notepads than anyone I know. Just this past weekend, a relative commented that you always know what she's thinking because her eyes say it first. She's expressive and loving and silly and funny on the one hand, while also being stubborn and fiery and feisty and demanding on the other. She's that juxtaposition of sugar and spice, of sweet and sour.
Her Daddy says she reminds him of someone....but I still can't figure out who he's referencing. Something about apples and trees, I hear.
We're seven years into this journey and it's been quite a ride. She's brought so much laughter and fire and joy into our family, and I'm so excited to see what she does in the future. I think sometimes that the expression "larger than life" fits her to a T. She's small in stature, but huge in heart and personality. I worried my heart couldn't hold more love than I had for my first baby, but I have learned that what Moms around the world say about "loving equally, but differently" is universally true. My daughters are what make getting out of bed worthwhile every day, and on their birthdays, I reflect on who they are, and what they've brought not only to my life, but to the world. What my youngest brings is special and unique to her, and I love her wholeheartedly for it.
Happy Birthday DollFace.
As they went to pull her out, they realized she was wedged in there very well. Apparently, I have no room in there, something I should have learned with my first daughter. They got out the vacuum (yes, on a c-section) and still she wouldn't come out. The twenty minute counter came and went. They tugged with several pairs of hands, alternately pushing and pulling. Still, nothing. Finally, they got out the forceps. You would think with all of that, she'd be some massive baby girl. Nope. She was delivered into the world all 19 inches and 6.12 lbs of her. I thought my eldest was a small baby, and here was a second baby even smaller.
When they brought her over to me, all wrapped up and clean, my first sight was dark blue eyes framed by a crop of dark brown curls. She was quiet and calm and honestly, looked like a doll. Even the nurses would tell me that in the days following.
The difference in my birth experiences was incredible. My first delivery was thirty plus hours of pain resulting in an emergency c-section. Then, from there, it took weeks of healing for swelling to go down and to figure out my eldest had fractured her skull during the whole process. Despite that whole horrible train of events, my eldest was the easiest, most calm and quiet baby. It kind of made up for the loud, difficult path prior to her birth.
My second pregnancy should have been my first hint that this child was going to be VERY different than my first. It was still a relatively easy pregnancy, but I had horrible heartburn. I never got sick, but I felt like it off and on for the first months, almost daily. While I had to drink oj and lie on my side to make sure I felt enough kicks in pregnancy number 1, there was no doubting the kicking and punching with this one. Then came the easy recovery after the birth. Within hours of delivery, I felt awesome. I was begging to be up and about, disconnected from all of the tubes and wires that limited my walking and even going to the bathroom on my own. I should have realized that these were all signs of what was to come.
After leaving the hospital, we spent a week or two with a sleepy, quiet baby. That quickly changed. My youngest had colic that lasted all day, every day. The only time she wasn't crying was when she was sleeping. She could be the sweetest, most shy little girl, or the loudest, most intense. She was happiest in my arms, and within minutes of anyone else holding her, wanted back with me. Once the colic made an exit, I realized that her personality wasn't going to be that different.
To this day, she is the child that loves me hard, and rails at me just as strongly. She can't be dissuaded when her mind is set. She knows what she wants when she wants it, and will persevere until she gets it. Sometimes that's to my detriment, but sometimes it makes me beam with pride. She can still be shy and clingy, whispering in my ear rather than saying what she needs out loud. She can also be entertaining for a crowd, putting a smile on everyone's face and making us all laugh at her antics. She enjoys math and will spend hours doing addition and subtractions on a paper at the table. She carries a bag full of books around the house, and owns more journals and notepads than anyone I know. Just this past weekend, a relative commented that you always know what she's thinking because her eyes say it first. She's expressive and loving and silly and funny on the one hand, while also being stubborn and fiery and feisty and demanding on the other. She's that juxtaposition of sugar and spice, of sweet and sour.
Her Daddy says she reminds him of someone....but I still can't figure out who he's referencing. Something about apples and trees, I hear.
We're seven years into this journey and it's been quite a ride. She's brought so much laughter and fire and joy into our family, and I'm so excited to see what she does in the future. I think sometimes that the expression "larger than life" fits her to a T. She's small in stature, but huge in heart and personality. I worried my heart couldn't hold more love than I had for my first baby, but I have learned that what Moms around the world say about "loving equally, but differently" is universally true. My daughters are what make getting out of bed worthwhile every day, and on their birthdays, I reflect on who they are, and what they've brought not only to my life, but to the world. What my youngest brings is special and unique to her, and I love her wholeheartedly for it.
Happy Birthday DollFace.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
I'm Still Alive....Sort Of
So, it's been awhile. A loooong while. I'm sure you'll forgive me if you could take a wee peek into what has been my life for the last month!
Since I'm still largely incapable of stringing together a coherent sentence, I'll just give you a brief synopsis of ONE day in my life, currently. This is just today. I'd like to say I'm kidding-but I'm sadly not.
August 17th, 2010:
-My 14th Anniversary. Marriage is a weird trip, dudes. It's full of highs and lows and happiness and struggle and pushing away and pulling close. Every marriage has it's share of obstacles as well, and I think the important part is really in the recovery. That said-HELLO, could someone have given me a head's up on this stuff when I decided at a mere 22 years old that I was solid enough to deal? In those 14 years, however, it's been more good than bad. We have been extremely blessed and even though we've been "going steady" for 17 years total-I'm still not sick of the guy. In fact, I still really (well, mostly!) like him as a person. THAT's got to say something right there because frankly, I don't like most people for that long. So, happy anniversary to me. Sorry, us.
-My youngest daughter's early family birthday party. Yep, hubby and I decided to give up any sort of 'romantical" plans so that we could celebrate my daughter's birthday a few days early. Her Dad will be gone on the actual day, so we did it up tonight. We had a nice dinner I cooked up in record time, cake, and her presents. She got so much from family and her friend party that there really wasn't much left to get her that she wanted. That being said, we "managed" to get her a dress, pink Converse, ('cause I believe all human beings deserve at least one pair in their lives!) a book in the series she loves, (written by Madonna but not crap! Imagine! I like to read it in a fake, really bad, British accent. It just feels right) and some Webkinz Hamster thing. It was a nice time together after what can only be described as a hellish month.
-Got an email my Dad had another stroke. Yes, it's now by email that I find these things out. Oh, not even sent to me. My Dad's wife sends them to my sister, who then forwards to my brother and I. That right there is a whole other blog post. I guess he is being released soon enough, but as I've said in the past-he's just going to continue having these strokes until one kills him. It's hard to just sit by and wait for that to happen and the myriad of emotions this all brings up is a struggle as well. However the news was delivered, it's not something you ever want to hear, nor keep hearing. Sigh.
-We also had an exciting day today of a showing, realtor paper signings and an inspection! Fun times! We have another inspection on Thursday (don't ask) and the girls, the dog and I need to be gone for 4 hours for that to take place. Really??? It was a long day today, and that will be one more long day. The end is inching closer though so I'm just barrelling through one exhausting day at a time. Did I mention it was my anniversary today? Ya. Party!
-The good news of all of this is.......We SOLD our house today. It went up on MLS on Friday, we had offers going back and forth all weekend, and finalized today. By "finalized" I mean conditionally on her financing, and inspection. (see note ie Thursday) It's great on a few levels. My husband's company bought the house from us. We get our "close" with them in two weeks. In that time, we can go and house hunt and put an offer down for that time frame. It also means though that someone bought the house from the company, and we don't have to do any more showings or anything else from here on in! We have to now buy there, get a close date, register for school showing proof of a home address if we aren't in by then, yada yada yada. My husband, if you can believe this, is likely going to go and put an offer on a house, this week, THAT I'VE NEVER SEEN BEFORE. Scary stuff. We know the area we want, I've seen the house online, it's in the school district I want.....but I've never actually stepped foot in it. My husband did and we both feel like it's a "go." It's not going to be our forever home by any stretch-but to get us used to the city and be close to everything-it's a good choice. The yard is going to be a big shock. We literally have a park for a yard now. This is going to be waaaaay smaller than that. We feel okay about it all so let's hope once I see it I still feel that way. He'll be back in a few days, and we'll get out there and live in temporary accommodations until our stuff arrives and the house closes. We're hoping by mid-September that we are all settled in to our new home and life. It'll take time for doctor's and dentists and familiarity and all of that......but we're getting closer to just actually getting there and starting our life-and that feels good.
So, like I said, that was just TODAY. I'm trying to live taking each day as it comes, stressing out and freaking out but then refocusing. I'm not great with stress, really. I can hide it super well from the "outside world" but inside I'm a mess. I get really bad stomach pains, acid reflux that knocks me to my knees, and I either eat like crazy or don't eat at all. I've been joking that once this is all done I'll either be 20 lbs lighter, or 20 lbs heavier. So far, it depends on the day.
I figured you all deserved some sort of update. Now, you probably wish I hadn't. I promise in the next week or two I'll be back to myself and to blogging and hopefully with some more positive, upbeat, exciting stories of my adventures in a new city! You'll see!
Since I'm still largely incapable of stringing together a coherent sentence, I'll just give you a brief synopsis of ONE day in my life, currently. This is just today. I'd like to say I'm kidding-but I'm sadly not.
August 17th, 2010:
-My 14th Anniversary. Marriage is a weird trip, dudes. It's full of highs and lows and happiness and struggle and pushing away and pulling close. Every marriage has it's share of obstacles as well, and I think the important part is really in the recovery. That said-HELLO, could someone have given me a head's up on this stuff when I decided at a mere 22 years old that I was solid enough to deal? In those 14 years, however, it's been more good than bad. We have been extremely blessed and even though we've been "going steady" for 17 years total-I'm still not sick of the guy. In fact, I still really (well, mostly!) like him as a person. THAT's got to say something right there because frankly, I don't like most people for that long. So, happy anniversary to me. Sorry, us.
-My youngest daughter's early family birthday party. Yep, hubby and I decided to give up any sort of 'romantical" plans so that we could celebrate my daughter's birthday a few days early. Her Dad will be gone on the actual day, so we did it up tonight. We had a nice dinner I cooked up in record time, cake, and her presents. She got so much from family and her friend party that there really wasn't much left to get her that she wanted. That being said, we "managed" to get her a dress, pink Converse, ('cause I believe all human beings deserve at least one pair in their lives!) a book in the series she loves, (written by Madonna but not crap! Imagine! I like to read it in a fake, really bad, British accent. It just feels right) and some Webkinz Hamster thing. It was a nice time together after what can only be described as a hellish month.
-Got an email my Dad had another stroke. Yes, it's now by email that I find these things out. Oh, not even sent to me. My Dad's wife sends them to my sister, who then forwards to my brother and I. That right there is a whole other blog post. I guess he is being released soon enough, but as I've said in the past-he's just going to continue having these strokes until one kills him. It's hard to just sit by and wait for that to happen and the myriad of emotions this all brings up is a struggle as well. However the news was delivered, it's not something you ever want to hear, nor keep hearing. Sigh.
-We also had an exciting day today of a showing, realtor paper signings and an inspection! Fun times! We have another inspection on Thursday (don't ask) and the girls, the dog and I need to be gone for 4 hours for that to take place. Really??? It was a long day today, and that will be one more long day. The end is inching closer though so I'm just barrelling through one exhausting day at a time. Did I mention it was my anniversary today? Ya. Party!
-The good news of all of this is.......We SOLD our house today. It went up on MLS on Friday, we had offers going back and forth all weekend, and finalized today. By "finalized" I mean conditionally on her financing, and inspection. (see note ie Thursday) It's great on a few levels. My husband's company bought the house from us. We get our "close" with them in two weeks. In that time, we can go and house hunt and put an offer down for that time frame. It also means though that someone bought the house from the company, and we don't have to do any more showings or anything else from here on in! We have to now buy there, get a close date, register for school showing proof of a home address if we aren't in by then, yada yada yada. My husband, if you can believe this, is likely going to go and put an offer on a house, this week, THAT I'VE NEVER SEEN BEFORE. Scary stuff. We know the area we want, I've seen the house online, it's in the school district I want.....but I've never actually stepped foot in it. My husband did and we both feel like it's a "go." It's not going to be our forever home by any stretch-but to get us used to the city and be close to everything-it's a good choice. The yard is going to be a big shock. We literally have a park for a yard now. This is going to be waaaaay smaller than that. We feel okay about it all so let's hope once I see it I still feel that way. He'll be back in a few days, and we'll get out there and live in temporary accommodations until our stuff arrives and the house closes. We're hoping by mid-September that we are all settled in to our new home and life. It'll take time for doctor's and dentists and familiarity and all of that......but we're getting closer to just actually getting there and starting our life-and that feels good.
So, like I said, that was just TODAY. I'm trying to live taking each day as it comes, stressing out and freaking out but then refocusing. I'm not great with stress, really. I can hide it super well from the "outside world" but inside I'm a mess. I get really bad stomach pains, acid reflux that knocks me to my knees, and I either eat like crazy or don't eat at all. I've been joking that once this is all done I'll either be 20 lbs lighter, or 20 lbs heavier. So far, it depends on the day.
I figured you all deserved some sort of update. Now, you probably wish I hadn't. I promise in the next week or two I'll be back to myself and to blogging and hopefully with some more positive, upbeat, exciting stories of my adventures in a new city! You'll see!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)