You know that "5 Love Languages" book where it asks you to fill out a questionnaire and then it tells you what your love or relationship style is for giving and receiving love? Let's just say the one that mine is definitely NOT is physical touch.
It's not like I grew up in a totally cold home where I was never hugged or anything. In general though, my family is not very huggy kissy. When we greet each other, it's not with hugs. We may give them on departing for an extended time away, but other than that, it's not gonna happen.
I'm very touchy feely with my kids. That seems like a normal way to be with them, ever since they were born. In fact, as you know, we had a family bed for many years and I was also prone to holding my newborns for as many hours in a day as I could without needing Depends or a feeding tube. Actually, if I was offered those things at the time I may have taken them.
In my daily life though, that's just not me. I'm not the friend that's going to hug you all of the time. I'm not the type to touch your arm or shoulder as we chat. I'm just not a toucher in general. In fact, I'd say I get a little freaked out by people not respecting my personal space. Some days that space actually requires quite a wide berth, as well.
In romantic relationships I'm the same way. I'm not the type to hold hands constantly or snuggle up together on the couch. I don't want to be glued to each other's sides every chance we can muster. As I just said, I like my space. Actually, I like a lot of space.
That can be difficult or hurtful for others to understand, especially if their love language happens to BE physical touch. I'm not being distant or trying not to be close specifically to them. I'm just not made that way. My Grandmothers, my Mom, my Dad....no one in my family was really raised to be outwardly, overtly physical in their love demonstrations.
I don't think it makes me less approachable, but maybe it makes me seem a little less warm than I really am. I'm not perky, let's not get carried away, nor do I ever want to be. But working on literally reaching out may not be the worst thing in the world.
At least for a few moments a day.
Now I just have to figure out how to work that physical connection around my need to be germ free.
Hazmat suit anyone?
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