Tuesday, November 16, 2010

A Daughter's Lament

Two years old and running fast,
Escaping the house
By sneaking past.
In the driveway,
My Mom comes home.
It was the last time she left
him with me, alone.

Three years old and curious,
Threw the car into reverse
down a hill,
Father furious.
He was more scared, I think
than anything.
With me as a daughter,
You never knew what I'd bring.

Four years old and sad,
My Dad leaves home,
and it hurts so bad.
He marries again
and we move on,
though life has changed
and it feels all wrong.

From 5 through 25
(you do the math)
We see him on holidays
Each time a laugh.
And yet it never feels quite "enough",
I'm left wondering why?
This is so damn tough.

Something changes in me then,
With the birth of my daughters
It's more about them.
I make an effort,
a valiant try
to see him more often
To get to know this guy.

It's then that we suddenly
Become more in tune,
Back is the Daddy
That I thought hung the moon.
It's fishing and cottages,
Holidays and cheer,
It's singing and yodeling,
Over Caesar's and beer.

It's telling silly jokes,
and laughing at old times,
It's looking into eyes,
The same colour as mine.
It's mending some fences,
That whoo, needed fixin'
It's quieting the voices,
That made me feel like a victim.

It was a long struggle,
to get where we got,
misunderstanding and abandonment
were the demons I fought.
Yet, finally, at last,
this beautiful pair.
Still flawed, not perfect,
But at least mutual care.

Then moving away,
and sickness set in.
The calls got less frequent,
the hurt was to win.
Still, we knew then,
what we'd questioned before,
I was his daughter, he my father
Forever more.

Neither time nor distance,
Those facts could change,
We'd grown and learned,
our fate reclaimed.
We said "goodbye"
knowing it'd be our last,
On Remembrance day,
his last light was cast.

It has struck me more deeply,
then I'd prepared myself for,
The tears ever flowing,
the pain in my core.
He's always been Daddy,
even though I'm grown,
though far away,
he's always felt "home."

I am still that little girl,
face pressed to the glass,
Wondering when he's coming,
When I'll next hear his laugh.
Held in my heart, for safe keeping
he'll be,
Shared with my daughters,
Him, me and we.

His life will live on,
As best that I can,
What made him so special,
Who he was as a man.
I'll celebrate his life,
for in us it lives,
his death a reminder
with all that it gives.

To Daddy,
From Daughter,
some words from the heart,
We may be parted,
but never apart.

I love you Dad. I'll see you again.

Nov. 15th, 1935-Nov.11th, 2010