Monday, November 22, 2010

Stealth Showering

Stepping groggily into the steamy water, I can barely muster the energy required to bathe. That's how tired and lackluster I feel on this chilly, brisk Monday morning. I stand for a moment, letting the jets pound down my back and warm my shivering skin.

I reach for the shampoo to begin the whole process that is required to cleanse away another day, and notice it is not there. Now, I'm fully awake and horrifically realize that the conditioner and body wash are also nowhere to be found.

Kids!!!! They've once again pilfered MY amenities into THEIR bathroom, leaving me....well, in the cold.

I, however, am not to be deterred! Rather than traipse soggily through the house, I decide the best course of action is to make do. Since the girls have done this to me before, I had the foresight to place some travel sized shampoo and conditioner in my shower. Almost chuckling with self-congratulation, I grab the shampoo. It's empty. Cursing, I begin to smack out as much as I can onto my palm. There is enough there to "maybe" do a portion of my head. I add some water to create a lather and plonk the minute cleanser on to my head. My thick hair usually calls for at least triple this amount, but I will NOT be swayed.

Satisfied that my hair is at least clean, sort of, I cross my fingers and grab for the conditioner. This hair CANNOT be left unconditioned. I can't stress this tidbit enough. Victory is mine as travel size conditioner is half full!

Smiling now, I decide that the best body wash will be the leftover candy cane bubble bath my kids have left me. How is this even possible??? Again, there is a trickle left in the Penguin shaped container. I again dab out as much as I can and start lathering up. I have enough to cover half of my body. This game of trying to outwit the shower powers that be is no longer gleefully competitive. It's tiring.

I have only one recourse left. I wash the rest of my body with my facial exfoliator. I kid you not. At least that skin will be baby smooth, after it's no longer red and raw.

Stepping out of the tub and wrapping myself in as many towels as there are at my disposal, I come to two conclusions. One being that it's time to buy duplicates of everything shower related. Two being that this whole shower drama may have been an omen of the week to come.

I climb back in bed, hair askew and frizzy, and pray for a re-do.

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