Sunday, February 26, 2012

Sunday Blues

Yesterday was a pretty good day in the 'ol homestead. I was feeling in my groove, with only some groceries to get, and afterwards the day was mine to do as I wished.  I worked out hard core (run, yoga and Booty Camp DVD) and even tried for a nap. (Fail-as usual)

I don't know what happened overnight, but I woke up today just annoyed at everything and nothing. It seems like everywhere my eye turned was something hypocritical or frustrating. I started tidying around the house and came across my "Nova Scotia" maps and tour books. The plan is to get a bunch of pictures mounted for our walls, but we just haven't got around to it yet. As I was putting them away (finally off my bedside table 6 months after moving in!) I burst into tears. When I say tears, I mean downpour. The irony is that just happy go lucky yesterday I was thinking that I was finally starting to settle in here again. I mean, I know that ache will never go away, but I'm glad for friends and family and everything I've got on the go here.

Sometimes, I think the human soul just needs a good cry. I try not to dwell in self pity, but I also believe in letting myself feel what I need to feel. I think it's sort of cleansing to purge that emotion when it wells up, because holding things in only does more harm than good.

The difficulty is that the sadness just has to "be."  There's nothing changeable and no solution to my feelings, so I just have to allow it and carry on.

I have a lot of plans for this year, things that will ultimately totally change the landscape of my current life, and I just need to keep my eye on the prize and take this year to do what I need to do. I can't let distractions or procrastination guide me, and I can't let melancholy derail me either.

So, I had a good cry. I then got my workout gear on and sweated out every struggle in my heart. Summer is not that far off, and by then I hope to have checked some items off my list so that I can just inhale Nova Scotia and refill my tank with it's nourishment once again.

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