Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Real Friends

My eldest daughter is at that oh so delicate tween age. It's a difficult point in any of our lives, with so many challenging life lessons. One of those, as most of us girls know, centers around female friendships.

In some ways, girlfriends can be your saving grace, your strongest allies. In other ways, girlfriends can be catty and hurtful. The trick is in learning how to navigate those waters and decipher in which camp an individual lies.

I've made horrendous choices in the friendship department. I've been very close to people that I thought had my back, when really they only had their own. I've romanticised friendships in my head, only to find out that the qualities I had assigned to those individuals weren't truly apt.

I've also made amazing, life long friendships with wonderful women. These are gals that no matter what the circumstance are standing there for me. They are standing beside me when I just need the numbers. They are holding me up when I am having trouble standing on my own. We've seen each other through everything crappy life throws at you-and we genuinely and authentically want the very best for each other.

It's taken me a long time to be able to decipher the difference. Sometimes, I feel like maybe my radar is off and I'm just naive in thinking the best of people. As much as someone can prove me wrong, there are always those that then come along and prove me right.

So, I try to counsel my daughter to be careful and to keep her cards close to her vest, while still letting people in. I ask her to not give more of herself than she's getting in return. I also caution her not to compromise her integrity for another, even when their actions are less than stellar.

Mostly, I think we're both learning that we want to be surrounded by females that are encouraging, supportive and real. We need friendships that will lift us up, make us happy and bring light, and that will prove as loyal and honest with us as we are with them. I think we are both finding those people in our new home and province, happily.

I hope my daughter weeds her way through this learning process with the grace that is common to her. I also wish her the kind of friends that I've been lucky to count on in my life.

Sometimes, a girl just needs her girlfriends.


  1. I have a great group of girlfriends and we have been through so much together. We get together once a month and I truly look forward to these get-togethers!!!

    I am closer with some than others. But sometimes you can have friends who you think are your true friends--there til the end kind--- but then something changes. I have one and we used to be really tight. I get the feeling she has a lot of jealousy towards me...for what, I don't even know. And when I try to talk to her and fix our friendship, she doesn't want to talk...says she's not a "touchy feely talk about it" kind of person. Just wants to forget about it and move on. Okay...whatever. I think she had a lot of issues that have nothing to do with me...depression, family issues...but I'm the one who's getting the crap.

  2. I agree Steph...and you're right. It's not about you, it's about her. She clearly has her own issues. I find those kinds of situations the hardest because-we ALL have our own issues and baggage. It's not license to be a jerk. You've tried with her, and you've been a true friend to HER-it's really all you can do. Luckily, you have that quality group of girlfriends that you KNOW love you for you! :)