Sunday, February 3, 2013

Life...And Other Mysteries

Life certainly has a way of keeping us on our toes, huh? I live in this delusion where I think that I have my ducks in a row and things will FINALLY, FINALLY be status quo, and with one fell swoop Fate takes one look at me and laughs and laughs.

Fate doesn't like me much, apparently.

I've been spending quite a lot of time lamenting a whole big pile of ...yuck....that is in my life. My head is sort of all over the place and in that cyclical and ironic way that life seems to bring, one decision can't be made without another first being made and that first can't be made because of another that needs making and so on and so on and so on. It's enough to make one dizzy! Well, or cry, and drink.

When my mind falls down this well of despair and fear, I'm a big fan of talking to myself about all that is RIGHT in my world. I actually talk to myself out loud, which is not crazy at all. It's cathartic, okay! The list of gratitude is sometimes short, depending on my stubborn nature, but I still do a listing of sorts. The top is my health, my family, food and a home. Those basics being met really should be all one needs, but of course it's never quite that simple.

I need to pull the trigger on some of these decisions, and my problem is that I just really don't want to, but it's no longer a "want" but a "need" so pull I must. Pew Pew! (that's the sound that happens when you pull a trigger. D'uh!)

Every day I'm shocked by something unexpected and I keep wondering when that won't happen anymore. I'm not really sure if it's a good thing to be constantly surprised by life, or a bad thing. Maybe it would be monotonous without that element of WHAAAAT? I doubt I'll ever know.

Sometimes, I wait and wait for things to happen and they never do, and it's disappointing. Other times, I give up waiting and then they appear like magic. Hmm. Maybe THAT is the key.

Needless to say, this whole post is rather ambiguous and suffice it to say, I'm just hanging out here thinking and hovering over what needs to be done.

I'm giving myself a week of reprieve to mull everything over in my mind and let the thoughts and worries and anxieties and nerves work themselves up into a tizzy. I'm hoping from there they will clear away, the sky will part, and the answer will be sent forth with clarity and unmistakable insight.

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