Sunday, January 27, 2013

Own Your S**t !

The Lance Armstrong "confession" has been all over the news, and amid much discussion in my own circles and my own experiences, I've realized that there are far, far, far too many people who have no idea how to just be accountable for their own shoddy actions.

True, there are things in life that happen TO us that are crappy. There are abusive home lives, there are alcoholic parents, there are people who aim their aggression and hurt on us. Those things are out of our realm of control, their marks are lasting, and they can temper how we feel about our journey in life and our paths forward.

Equally, however, there are times when you can't boohoo about life having done you wrong, where you can't be hurt about a situation, cause you know what? YOU CAUSED IT. It's in those very dark hours that you need to buck up and not just use the 'ol: "Well, I've learned some hard lessons in life and I'm still learning and I'm growing and trying to figure out how to deal with it" because....ummm, the lesson is OWN YOUR S**T!"  When it's a situation that didn't have to happen and wouldn't have happened without your own hand,  there is nowhere to look and no one to blame but yourself. Yes, that's a hard pill to swallow.

The growth and learning happens when you take ownership in your part of what you created, and work out a mature, adult way to make amends to those you hurt. Period.

Lance Armstrong's hand was not forced to take illegal performance enhancing drugs. Even more so, whether people suggested it or even pushed for it, in the end, it was his decision to make. The greatest lessons, I believe, in life come from our mistakes. They come not from the MAKING of those mistakes, but in how we handle them afterwards. Do we stand up, unroll our spines, and admit we screwed up big time and we are willing and able to take the consequences, or do we recoil, hide and wish the whole thing would go away and be swept under the rug. Many a hurtful experience is never really resolved because of people being afraid to put their head up, their hand out, their heart on their sleeve and help where they left hurt.

I actually believe it's one of life's saddest moments when things just forever linger unnecessarily.Saying "I'm Sorry" may be some of the hardest words to utter, but truly ACTING sorry and helping to repair damage, even in the face of anger or recrimination, may be harder still. It's in those moments when people go from fallen, to lifted.

People can be and are forgiven every single day by others with kinder, gentler hearts than those that hurt them. Forgiveness is more readily given when you see that the hurt caused to you is also felt by those that did the hurting, and that their main goal is to relieve some of that pain by caring less about their own journey forward, and more about yours. You can't take it back, but you can make it right.

"Fools mock at making amends for sin, but goodwill is found among the upright."  Anonymous

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