Monday, August 24, 2009

No Holds Barred Soap Boxing

Please remain seated at all times and keep your hands and arms inside of the ride. This, folks, is going to be a bumpy ride.

I'm going to rant my head off here for a little bit because if I don't get it out, I'm liable to let it all out on some poor sucker who has come to me for advice or help or just to vent. It's not going to be pretty. In fact, it might be quite ugly. Deal.

I've told you a few times how in the last few weeks, heck months, I've been hearing story after story of marriages gone sour. I would say 3/4 of those is due to infidelity. That meets the current statistic that says that(now up from the previous 50%) of marriages out there in the world, 75% will experience infidelity at some time. That is a huge, huge number.
And I'm seeing it at work every day, in my own friendship circles.

It's even top press too. John Edward and his DNA test with the woman he had the affair with, as his wife battles for her life!! Eddie Cibrian and LeAnn Rimes parading all over the place with smiles on their faces, as his children try to figure out where their Dad went. Or even Jon and Kate and his "woman of the day." Seriously, what the hell is wrong with people?

Have we lost all modicum of values or morality in this day and age? Does ANYONE care anymore about the state of their children's psychological health? We wonder why so many of the "younger" generation don't value marriages or seem to flirt unnecessarily with sexuality, well what would make them want to commit when their role models can't keep it in their pants? Doesn't put a lot of faith in the institution.

Listen, if you want out of your marriage and it's not going well, fine. Get out. Work out a plan with your former spouse to remain amicable and be present in your children's lives. Show them two individuals with the class and maturity to work together still for their sakes. Show them you value each other, still, as individuals. Don't run off with someone else and expect them to be "okay" with your new boyfriend or girlfriend. Bottom line-most kids would rather see their parents together. NOT with someone else.

All of these people claiming mid-life crisis or that they "missed out" because they got married too young and now need to party seriously need to grow up. And grow a pair while you're at it. It's not just about YOU. Remember those little people you so lovingly anticipated? Well, sucks to be you, but they have first claim on what you do from day 1 on. Once you are a parent, you don't have the luxury anymore, in my opinion, to make decisions based solely on your needs. And I use the term "needs" very, very loosely. Heck, let's even say tongue in cheek.

I think cheating is one of the most selfish, cowardly, egocentric things one person can do to another. The total lack of how it's ripples are going to effect everyone in your life is appalling to me. It creates chaos and heartache and studies show it's as devastating as a car crash or death in terms of post traumatic stress.

Recently, someone I know whose marriage had fallen apart and whose spouse was out partying it up and allegedly dating, ended his life. That's how deep it cut and how great a loss he felt. How one reacts to cheating is an individual thing, but his wife now has to live with that guilt her whole life. Is getting your ego stroked REALLY worth ruining someone else's life? And with children in the mix, ruining SEVERAL people's lives? If so, that's quite a big ego you've got there.

I would say all of these cheaters need to think before they leap in search of "excitement" and "flattery", but we all know nothing is going to change. Our generation is raising the bar (and the percentage) on failed marriages. And there's something to be proud of folks. Sigh.

I long for the days when all of my friends were just getting married, standing up in front of all of their family and friends, radiating with joy and hope, and proclaiming to love and honour and cherish their partners for the long haul. Guess it's the rare individual, nowadays, who is as good as their word.

I hope, at least, my kids can have a role model in me, come what may.


  1. "Once you are a parent, you don't have the luxury anymore, in my opinion, to make decisions based solely on your needs."

    I agree 100%. What is wrong with these people who think it's OK for them to just walk away? It makes me sick and I worry everyday about my friends who are living hellish lives because of somebody's horrible, selfish decisions. Ugh!

  2. You are SO right. In this instant gratification society, the whole "woe is me, I never had time to party and now I deserve to, no have the *right* to do it" crap bothers me immensely and watching someone dear to me deal with the loss of a marriage due to infidelity (see we are SO much alike...)is just heartbreaking. Throw kids in the's just sad. When did things like commitment, self-control, respect and taking responsibility of one's actions go out of vogue? They should be the cornerstones of our society.