Wednesday, October 28, 2009

You And Me Just "Click"

Human relationships are fraught with joy and sorrow and complications and a myriad of other emotions and adjectives.

The whole start of those relationships though is chemistry. You can have a ton of shared interests with someone on paper, but if you don't just jibe with them on some other level, it just won't evolve into anything more.

There's a guy I know right now going through a very difficult separation and divorce. Every time he comes around our homes, the women in my neighbourhood swoon. They all think he's gorgeous and because he also has a great paying job, it makes him quite the catch.

I'm the one that has the most contact with him in terms of dealings, and everyone gets a little jealous. The truth of the matter is, there is just no chemistry there. He's a good enough looking guy, he's smart and witty, definitely. Again, it all looks good on paper. But even if I myself was a single lady out on the prowl, he just doesn't float my boat.

I've never been the type to pursue somebody because of money or to secure myself some future wealth via a man. In fact, my last long term serious relationship before my husband was with someone who is now very, very well off financially. I left that relationship for a love relationship with only two pennies to rub together. Why? Partly because of chemistry.

I'm not an idiot. I also know chemistry only goes so far. You can have lots of chemistry with the biggest idiot out there (and believe me, I've seen it up close and personal) and not have any staying power. You can make a relationship work long term with someone you don't necessarily have the strongest chemistry with as well.

I'm a married woman. A long time married woman. It's rare for me to meet another man that I have that chemistry that is instant and easy. Or maybe I just don't look for it anymore. I'm not talking about a love relationship either-I mean that kind of chemistry that can be a great friendship but also has that flirty undercurrent. I know that sentence is going to spark controversy, but I DO believe you can have a flirty, fun friendship with a member of the opposite sex and not have it spill over into infidelity. Why? Because our actions are our choices. I choose how to act and choose what my relationships look like.

The funny thing is that it's also all highly personal. The most unlikely person might have great chemistry with me, while the hunky dude that the neighbour women drool over may not.

Chemistry doesn't have to be realistic either. You can just feel that "buzz" but know that in the real world you wouldn't want to be married to that person or deal with their "stuff" on a regular basis. But to hang out, and chat and laugh, you just have that special whatever it is.

Studies have been done to try and make sense of what attracts us to others. They've found shared interests and goals, features that match ours, pheromones, biologically based ingrained needs for shelter and security and procreation.

It all comes down to something that just makes no sense at all.


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