Yet this year seems to have happened so fast, part of me feels like I was just thrown from one thing to the next, without having the time to pause, take stock or breathe.
On Twitter, the question was raised regarding "what made 2011 great for you?" Being the pessimist that I am, my mind immediately jumped to all of the crappy stuff I am not happy about having happened and I literally had to stop myself and try to spin it into a positive.
Here is that spin:
For me, 2011 started out tremendously well. I felt an inner peace I hadn't in...well, ever.....living in a place I love beyond words or description. You can't make others understand that feeling unless they too have "found their home." My family and I got to travel to Florida and my girls got to experience Disney for the first time. It was truly magical.
Though I'm by no means Ms. Fitness or something, I seemed to find my groove and was doing Zumba twice a week, running three times a week, and doing Yoga in class and at home every chance I got. I felt like I was discovering the authentic "me" that I had been missing for a long, long time.
On top of all that greatness, I also made some amazing friendships with women that I clicked with on the first meeting. These women are awesome motivators, cheerleaders, confidants, and friends for the long haul. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, I know my move to Halifax was meant to be for many reasons, and one of those was all of them.
Then....dun dun dun.....we were asked to move back to my home town. That was honestly the last thing we wanted to do, but the offer was too great to not leap.
The good news is, I've rekindled friendships in 2011 that mean the world to me. I've been blessed to be close to my oldest and dearest friends on this earth once more. My kids have been able to spend time with family and know that relationship.
I spent New Year's Eve exactly how I would hope to usher in a New Year-with people that I can truly just be myself around-and who value that relationship. They don't talk about me behind my back, they don't judge me when the tears start falling, they hold my hand and hug me and just plain love me through every single thing life throws my way. The sentimentality aside, they also make me laugh and laugh until my sides ache.
I've discovered some life lessons throughout this whirlwind year-as I hope to every year that I'm walking this life path. That's what we're here for, no? To grow and learn and become better souls in general? I think so.
I've learned that many people think they have all the answers and think their view is the reality. In fact, they don't know much other than what they want to believe. The other possibility is that they are scared to face what the actuality is, preferring to be comfortable in the "how it used to be" instead of the "how it really is."
I've learned that drama is just second nature to some people, and there's not a thing I can do to change that fact. I can confront lies and gossip and whispering every single time it happens (and trust me I do and will) but I've had to just swallow the bitter pill of acceptance in these circumstances and surround myself with what I know is the truth. I know what is in my heart and soul, I know where I've travelled, where I'm at and where I'm hoping to go....and that's all I can do and be. I can't allow others malice and intent to hurt keep penetrating my life. It's easier said than done, of course. It also still hurts when it happens. All one can do is not get drawn into also gossiping (I'm working on this! Old habits die hard!) and try to balance that out by having supportive, loving people in their corner to buffer out the dark. Luckily for me, I have a large, light filled corner.
I've learned that I have a lot of work to keep doing on myself. Dang it! Here I thought I was close to perfect. HA! I have resolutions and goals for 2012 that all add up to trying to find that elusive puzzle piece that I'm still missing. I feel incomplete in different ways-physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally. I'm kind of trying to carve a niche and figuring out what I'm missing and where I want to go with all of "this." I know I've been on a path the last few years and I'm proud of where it's been leading, but I feel like I'm now at an important juncture and the decisions I make here will be big. Hopefully big/good and not big/bad. That would suck. I feel like I've been dancing to the beat of other people's drums-kids, husband, family.....and it's time to find my own and what doing for me looks like instead of doing for everybody else.
All of that learning has led me to think that if 2012 ISN'T the purported "End of The World" than I better get to work on making it the BEGINNING of something huge. Of course I have practical goals like "sleep 8 hours a night" and fun plans like Florida again and an even better trip to Halifax this summer-but my hearts wishes are more about personal betterment in all ways, inner peace and contentment, and hope.
Hope that I can take all that I learned, above, and put it to good use in future. Hope that 2012 brings some answers to questions unresolved. Hope that if someone wants to know what lies in my heart, instead of presuming based on gossip or past experience, they will feel welcomed to approach me personally. Hope, above all else, that while life is never perfect or continually peaceful, that it is interesting, healthy, and joyous.
In all of these (long winded) wishes is also my hope for all of these things for you.
This is what "Peace" looks like to me