Talking Me Down From The Ledge

I had a bit of a breakdown the other day.

I was supposed to weigh in on Monday and totally forgot with all of the running around we had to do. I forgot again on Tuesday. Finally, on Wednesday, after already drinking my smoothie, I stepped on the scale.

This, after eating clean and exercising for two weeks.

I was shocked and horrified to see that the scale had not moved one iota. Frantic now, I took my measurements. They were also the same.

Tears in my eyes, I took to email and Twitter and reached out to friends, mostly just to commiserate, but also to get some encouragement. In that moment, I was about to eat a whole bag of cookies since really, what did it all matter???

Luckily for me, I know some pretty great people.

Right away, comments and emails started flying about just keeping the focus. There were reminders that the goal is to be healthy and strong, not "skinny." I had friends keep me in balance by checking if I was feeling good, if I was eating well, if I was feeling better about myself in general. I was doing and feeling all of those things.

Many, many, many individuals told me simply to throw the scale out and not worry about the "number." My very wise friend told me that the number on that scale might never feel enough and that it may lead to constant self-loathing if I never quite reach it.

I had a good cry and let myself feel the frustration. I MAY have cursed my crappy genetics once again.

Then, I had a huge salad for lunch and laced up my sneakers.

I'm so glad I reached out, as cheesy as that may seem. My eating is so tied to emotion that it can easily go awry when I'm down. My friends and tweeps and family all did just what I had hoped they would; they supported me and refocused me and gave me a kick in the pants. They helped me get my mind back on track to health, not numbers or vanity.

So, I'm plugging away and feeling determined. I know I have to be accountable to myself and it really all boils down to me. However, I also know that having a support network of people in your corner, truly rooting for you and wishing for the best for you, is also of utmost importance and gives me strength to carry on.

So, thanks. I appreciate you all more than I can express. I will also likely be calling on you all again, and again, and again.

I hope you're up for it, as well!

Spelling Epidemic?

I'm not sure how to point out the extreme obvious here without sounding like a total jerk but the fact is, we all know the subject I'm about to discuss is a widespread phenomenon.

Why can't people spell? No, seriously.

I'm not saying I'm perfect. I'm not saying that spellcheck hasn't saved my butt more than once. There are, for some reason, certain words that even though I KNOW how to spell them correctly, I still don't. Every time. Accommodate is one of them. (thanks spellcheck!)

It's more apparent on something like Facebook where a status isn't checked. I'm not talking about iPhone auto corrects(which are hilarious!) or missing a word because you're typing too fast. Nope, I mean downright bad, horrible, horrific spelling.

Bad spelling doesn't play favourites either. I've seen my niece and her teenage friends struck by the curse(frankly I'm surprised they know how to spell at ALL what with texting shorthand being the norm.) I've seen people my age and up hit with the sickness of being unable to spell their way out of a paper bag.

I have to admit, there are some people that I can't even read their status updates because I have NO CLUE what they are even trying to say. Really, it's THAT bad. Every second word is an error. If I see "lose" spelled "loose" one more time, I may crack and be taken away. What's even more scary? Some of these people are teachers. Please, please, please don't be teaching MY children.

Have we forgotten how to spell because of the internet? IS it due to the shorthand we've all adopted to send faster texts, and to keep our Tweets short and sweet? Or is spelling not taught as fervently in school anymore? I remember having weekly spelling tests, some were quite long with many words to learn. My youngest still has these, but my eldest? I can't remember the last time she was tested for spelling.

I'd hate to think that we've all just accepted that it's okay to not care about how things are spelled. Then again, I read something that said that in 50 years, no one will be able to read or write the current English because of shorthand that will replace it. That scares the beejeezus out of me.

I'm a HUGE Shakespeare fan-will it be translated to "Where 4 r u?"

Shudder.

Day In The Life

Ah, Monday.

It's the day that my husband typically doesn't work, so I kinda love it for so many reasons. I don't think he feels the same, though, because many of those reasons involve errands and running around. The part I heart? NO KIDS to make the tasks thirteen hours longer than they need to be.

We started the day with a leisurely morning and my hubs drove the kids to school. He hightailed it back to get me, and we dropped our furry kid off for her first day at doggy daycare. Don't mock me.

After the pup was safely playing with her new sweatered and vested poochy pals, (seriously dog owners? Not kind!) my husband remembered he had a gift certificate for a seafood place on the waterfront! Lunch out? Even better, for free? Hallelujah! The good news is that it's heavenly to get that time to just chat with my husband as adults about adult topics. The bad news is, Mondays are my worst day for staying on track in the eating and exercising category. I totally blame him.

I stayed pretty healthy, choosing a seafood bouillabase chock full of shrimp, tomatoes, haddock, scallops and mussels. It was delish! We shared a dessert, but I promise I only had a few bites and left it to him!

After lunch it was already time to pick up Poochy McPoocherson and the kiddos. Apparently the pup did great for her first day, though the handlers said she is "submissive and timid." Clearly they have her mixed up with some other adorable raggamuffin doodle.

I made a quick dinner of homemade chicken fingers and potato wedges, served with salad, and then it was off to meet a new friend for coffee at Starbucks.

I'm not a Starbucks frequenter, and man that menu is confusing to me. I quizzed my husband before I left regarding the "sizes" so I wouldn't look like (well, MORE like) a total dweeb. We both had the Skinny Caramel Macchiato, which wasn't high in calories. Yay! We sat chatting nonstop for an hour, and I could have sat there all night!

Alas, real life beckoned us both with kids needing pick ups and bedtimes and homework. Back to reality!

I didn't get my run in (again, I blame my husband) so I'm off to do that today. I need to fit my 3x in for this week, since last week I was struck by some flu bug that had me tired beyond belief.

The rest of my week is looking JUST as exciting-don't worry! :)

Do My Clothes Define Me?

I was confronted last week by a weird exchange that led me to start questioning what I kind of already surmised. That being, we are judged everyday by the items we choose to put on our backs.

In this case, it was what I put on my feet.

I love Converse shoes. I guess they are called Chuck Taylors now or All Stars. However, back in the day, they were just Converse. I like them for the way they look, primarily. I've liked them since I was in high school, and have owned pairs since then in various colours. Yes, they are comfy too and easy to slip on and off. They look hip and funky to me, though. That's the draw. They just aesthetically appeal.

However, the other day, someone commented, "Hey, nice kicks!" I just nodded a thanks. They then went on to ask me what music I was into and what bands, being in a band themselves.

Umm?? Top 40?

Guess that's not the answer most Converse wearing chicks give? I am pretty sure dude was highly disappointed. Do only edgy, alternative loving people wear Converse? I mean, I'm an almost 40 year old Mom, too. Am I not cool enough, in general, to wear these sneakers?

That led me to thinking that to the outside world, concepts and opinions about our persons are formed by the image we present by our clothing. As I primarily wear jeans, hoodies and Converse, the image must be of cougar trying to be hip? Ex-hipster? I'm not really either of those things. When I was growing up, I was more a "prep" (the label of the day) wearing Tretorns, tapered Levi's cords and jeans and anything Benetton or Esprit I could get my hands on. Well, or my Mom's wallet on. I just like my Converse. The same way as others just like their Doc Marten's, to this day. What does that say about THEM?

It must really trip people out to see me with my Converse and my Coach purse. I wonder what they think about that dichotomy!

I'm Gonna Be A Lab Rat

My friend from highschool (who is an Engineer by the way) has decided that she wants to stay home with her three kids, as she feels that it's important time that she won't be able to get back, and best for them. She'd also, however, like to make a little money and have a side project or goal to work towards. Well, you know, like besides the goal of raising moral, productive, kind members of society.

She started using Arbonne a few years back and noticed a huge change in her skin, for the better. As a firm believer in the product, and as an Engineer that likes tricky stuff like science and chemicals, she has now decided to sell it and highly endorses it.

I've never used Arbonne. I'm not really a makeup kind of gal. I mean, I WEAR makeup and I wash my face, but I usually go to Walmart or the drugstore and am a devotee of Cover Girl or Maybelline or whatever is on sale. While all my friends are over at MAC and Clinique, I'm content with my Cetaphil and Revlon. It's how I roll. My skin is uber sensitive, and I have allergies, so when I find something that doesn't give me hives or cause a reaction-I stick with it.

Lately though, since I moved to this new province, my skin is plagued by dryness. I've never had flaky skin like I do here. I live in a wind tunnel apparently, so that may have something to do with it too. On top of the dryness, I've been breaking out like a teenager. It's a really attractive look. I've tried everything going and when I moisturize, I end up breaking out. If I DON'T moisturize, I can peel my face off one layer at a time. Not. Fun.

So, my friend asked if I'd like to try some samples for free and see if Arbonne's natural ingredients and gentle formulations make any difference in my now problematic countenance. Turn down free stuff? Uh ya, no. Of course I said yes.

She thought maybe the Arbonne Clear Advantage line would be best for me, but didn't have any samples of that. Instead, she sent me their new FC5 line for oily/combination skin. I have enough to test it for a week, with daily use. She also sent two shades of lip tint, a bronzer, a hair mask and some primer. I started off with the FC5 last night and today applied the moisturizer, along with the makeup.

I'll let you know by week's end how I rate the product, if I'll be purchasing, and if I've noticed subtle or grand changes in my skin.

Do any of you use Arbonne? Have you tried it? What are your experiences?

The Treadmill Is My Lovah

Once upon a time ago, I did the "Cool Running Couch to 5K" program on my treadmill. Okay, I did it a few times. I'd get pretty adequate at it (I'm not a runner by nature) and then I'd fall off of the wagon. Then, I'd get back on. The last time I was gung ho about it I could run a good 40 minutes nonstop and loved almost every minute of it. I'd crank the tunes and run, sometimes bustin' out a funky arm move or two.

Now? Not so much.

My treadmill and I parted ways some time ago. It wasn't the treadmill, it was me. I just lost my mojo and the stress of everything going on in my small world made me walk away from my loyal friend. I turned instead to the wrong crowd, their leader being chocolate covered almonds and my new BFF being Party Mix. I grew more and more like the new group, all sugar and salt. I viewed my treadmill, sitting sadly in the corner, with disdain and maybe even a little contempt.

Luckily for me, my treadmill is forgiving. It welcomes me back slowly and eases me back into a relationship that may not always be easy, but in the end, is good for me. Last week was our first week back together after being on "a break."

I started up the Couch program once more. The first day, I was a sweaty, panting mess. My treadmill gently coaxed me along, pushing me not to give up or give in. The second day, I was starting to feel a bit more comfortable with our old routine.

Yesterday was the start of the second week in our new union. I felt much more like myself, singing and jamming along as I did the run sections. Oh, I was still sweaty and still panting, but not as much, and not as painfully. I felt renewed once more, my faith in getting back together solidified.

After that glorious moment, I was struck by a flu in the afternoon. I got the chills, and then the sweats. I was immediately fatigued. I had various other symptoms I won't regale you with at this time. I felt like the flu was stepping in out of jealousy, determined to get between the good thing me and treadmill have got going.

Well, it isn't going to work. Today was my rest day, and I did just that. Tomorrow I'm back it, flu. You hear me? Bring your best because you'll still find me slogging it out for thirty minutes with the one that truly has my back. Know what else? I'm expanding my circle. Treadmill has encouraged me to widen our friendships again, and asked for Yoga to pay me a visit on the days he can't be around to push me.

Oh, I'm back. I'm SO back. Flu and chips and cookies and Party Mix be damned. I've got a good thing going here, and this time.....this time.....I'm not letting a good thing go.

Weekend Movie Viewing

I can honestly say I did a whole lot o'nothin this weekend. It was glorious! I did my Couch to 5K Running program on Saturday, and I did some cookie baking and some casserole making (Here, if you're interested http://www.eatingwell.com/recipes/hamburger_buddy.html) Yep, that about sums it up.

I did manage, however, to watch a bunch of movies and TV.

I had wanted to see the movie "Whip It" for a long time but for some weird reason just hadn't caught it yet. It could have to do with the fact that my husband had zero interest and we usually watch movies together. I checked it out on Netflix, and stayed up til 2am finishing it. I have a bit of a girl crush on Drew Barrymore so that was incentive too. I'm always a bit leery watching what I think might be an "alternative" movie because often I don't see the deep, dark meanings or artsy flair. I just see, umm, crap? "Whip It" was not crap. Loved it!

I used to love roller skating back in the day. I had a pair of white boots with red wheels and I'd practice skating around my basement. I could go backward and do spins and I loved going to the indoor skating rink to get down to the funky grooves. It's been a looonng time though since I've been on roller skates. I never got into rollerblading either. I like sports that allow some aggression, so I can totally see myself as a Derby Girl. Well, not so much the skimpy costumes but the hits? Bring it. I went to bed thinking up Derby names for myself-small details like being able to roller skate be damned.

Yesterday, I watched "500 Days of Summer." I had heard a lot of buzz around this flick, but it didn't seem like my type of thing. My husband took my girls to see "Tangled" (again) and I was home alone so I figured why not. Again, I liked it! When did that kid from "3rd Rock From The Sun" get so darned cute? It wasn't your average "love story" which I enjoyed. I also thought the premise of the plot was believable. It's kind of the same thing that I yell at the TV when I watch "The Bachelor." I don't know why people get so upset when they don't get "picked" or a short dating thing doesn't work out. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with YOU. It just means you aren't right for each other. Who cares? That means the right person for you is still out there, and wouldn't you rather be with the right person than the wrong person? Huh? I think people have such stars in their eyes they see what they want instead of the reality before them. I've never had that romantic idealism so my pesky realism is always present, sometimes to my detriment.

I topped off my weekend of laziness by watching (and Tweeting) the Golden Globes. In all honesty, it was a pretty boring awards show. Other than Glee, Chris Colfer and Jane Lynch-I didn't really care about the other winners(or losers). I also felt like all of the dresses were pretty "meh". It was fun tweeting though and hearing all the hilarious comments and thoughts. Once again I stayed up too late, but that's the price to pay for being an awards show junkie.

I'm off today to catch up on laundry and maybe some sleep, after I do my walk/run. It's a freezing day, so that sounds just about right. It's a rough life.

Enjoy your day! Stay warm!

Snow Day?

My kids are nestled in their beds, fingers and toes crossed for a Snow Day tomorrow. We had notice that a "big storm" was coming our way and that we'd get dumped with a ton of snow.

I set out early with the pooch for her walk, taking a longer route and letting her leash extend longer for her to run. I figured if it got bad, she wouldn't have her second walk, so this would be it. Well, other than the yard. The benefit of course is it's a speed walk for me as well.

All day long, I kept glancing out the window for said storm. There was nothing. Just when I thought maybe we wouldn't be getting it after all, it struck. It never fails that the worst of the weather has to occur when I'm standing waiting for the school bus. As the winds howled and jostled, I stood in the cold and wet, waiting. The buses were, expectantly, late. At that point, I was soaked literally to the skin, and my mascara had poured down my face. I tried to wipe it away a few times, only to get home and see that it was all over my face. I can now understand that the smile I gave the stylish dude walking by was not friendly or attractive. I probably scared the dickens out of him. My vanity has a certain way of keeping itself in check.

As the kids battened down the hatches, drinking hot cocoa and watching yet another episode of Cake Boss(my kids are obsessed with this show), I set out to attempt shovel Number One of our driveway. While I was out there, I decided I'd be kind and do my older neighbours steps and driveway too. I was feeling in the groove, heaving heavy boulders and wet dumped snow, thinking how I was getting in some great exercise, when Mr. Plow decided to make an appearance. Several times. I was back to square one on the end of the driveway. Mine and the neighbours.

Finally finished, I came in the house dripping wet. Again. I took off my stuff and threw on my pj's and checked if the dance classes were still on or cancelled. My girls were ecstatic to find out they'd been cancelled and they could continue their marathon with Buddy. See, I know that because I've heard them watch so many episodes!

We had a quick, easy dinner, fearing that the power would go out and we wouldn't have access to handy dandy kitchen technology. We spent the rest of the evening just hanging out. It was bliss, really.

However, it seems to me the snow has abated it's windy pummelage. My girls went to sleep CONVINCED they would spend the day tomorrow lounging around in their jammies. They may be sorely mistaken.

Until morning, we wait in our cozy, snug warm house while the world outside rests in white, wondrous slumber.

Will tomorrow be a Snow Day?

Food And Diet Epiphany

This week has started off all kinds of productive. Yesterday, we took the fam and headed down and did our passports. Finally. It wasn't as painful a process as I thought it would be. I had my passport years ago, but once it expired I never renewed it. It's been on my "To Do" list for awhile, for the kids as well. So, one thing got checked off!

Then, we headed to our new vet for our pup to get her Bordetella vaccine. It went well, except Pooch was her usual crazy self meeting a new person. She jumped all over and wouldn't settle. The vet said it's partly puppy, partly breed, and partly training. We're working on it! A big suggestion was getting her recall better so she can run off leash. I asked around (thanks Twitter!) today for enclosed areas where I can let her off, but she can't escape. We'll be trying that out ASAP.

Next, we made appointments for her to do some daycare days at the boarders so she can get used to the place, see us leaving and returning, and socialize with other dogs. She'll start that soon, and go for a few Mondays.

Check, check, check.

But here's the big news of the day. I started today "Back on the Wagon." I've been here many times, but this time, that long awaited moment has FINALLY happened for me. I think.

I've been reading lots and lots of blogs lately, and many where people have had significant weight loss through diet and exercise. One in particular had me hooked.

If you're looking for inspiration, www.angiealltheway.blogspot.com is the place for you! The thing that literally changed how I'm starting this whole thing again? The amount of food she was eating. It astounded me! I've done Weight Watchers before, and I've tried it on my own after that. I've also had success with it. The thing with me is, I've always seen it as having to eat as little as possible. Each meal would be me trying to eat as low points as I could, and keeping my portions small. That attitude always made me feel deprived and never satisfied. I'd then sabotage my earlier restriction by eating cookies or chips or going completely crazy, thus negating what I'd done earlier in the day.

In her blog, she documented what she ate each day, with photographs. I literally could not believe the amount and quality. She was eating breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner. How was this possible? Obviously, it was, because she had lost! She also was exercising a ton, of course. The food part though was what really spoke to me, and my personal struggle.

I went out and bought groceries, deciding to buy some of the yummy things I'd seen on her site. Here's what I realized-I don't need to feel deprived or unsatisfied. I just need to stay within my points and choose my foods wisely. If I choose high protein, high fiber, low point foods-I'll be satiated AND lose.

Yesterday was Day 1. I ate well all day, and even felt full. I also re-started the Couch to 5K program on my treadmill. I used to be able to crank out 30 mins no problem. Now, I was struggling through the end intervals. What a difference a year makes. Sigh. I've never been a runner. I'm never going to be some die hard running machine out there in +30C or -25C. Nope. I would however like to do the Couch to 5K on my treadmill. THEN, maybe I'll try doing it from the start again-outside. If all that goes well, maybe THEN I'll attempt a 5K run. We'll see. I've also learned that I need to just focus on day by day.

I woke up today feeling excited and renewed(did I mention I also went to bed at midnight instead of 2am? I'm gettin' there!) I ate a hearty breakfast of Greek Vanilla Yogurt topped with Kashi Go Lean, blueberries and a teaspoon of almond butter, with a coffee. I sipped water throughout the day to ensure my 8 glasses. For lunch I had a monstrous baby spinach salad with feta and berries and onion and tomato, with a side of soup. As I was eating, I realized my points were still very low. At my usual "snacky" time, I had a piece of Ezekial bread, toasted, with a tsp of almond butter and a sliced banana on top. Finally, for dinner I had brussel sprouts, broccoli and some chicken breast, with a big serving of spaghetti squash. I was really, really full. The surprising thing? Still under points. I sipped tea this evening and had some Smartfood popcorn clusters for my chocolate fix.

I'm in total shock, really. I ate REALLY well today. At no point did I feel like I was missing out, or eating "diet" food. I never felt like I could eat more or like it wasn't enough. I know that doesn't sound that exciting maybe, but to me this revelation is HUGE.

I'm hoping life altering.

I don't know if you can read the excitement from my words or if I can impart the impact this new understanding has made on me. I've been seeking and seeking that "magic" equation that would work for me; the one I've seen all of these other people just finally "get." I feel like this might be it for me.

I just hope I can keep it up and keep the momentum going. I'm hoping by staying accountable here (now that I've made this big blubbery AHA post it would be embarrassing to have it all be for naught!) and with myself, and that this will be MY time.

Thank you Angie for leading the way. I owe you, just from reading your journey!

Yesterday was Day 1. Here I go!

Amateur Dog Whisperers Apply Within

We took our pup to the vet today for her Bordetella vaccine, as well as to have an initial consult since she'll be our new doc for our fuzzy child. All went as well as expected, I guess. My dog is a mini Golden Doodle. She just turned one New Year's day. She's also a hyper maniac.

At home all day, she's a lounger. She lies around and picks delicately at her food. I take her for a 45 minute walk each morning, and my husband takes her for a 20-30 minute walk when he gets home from work. She's still pulling on the leash, so I'm working with her on that. We've tried a Gentle Leader, and she spends half her time stopping and rubbing her face on the ground. When I walk her on a leash, I keep treats in my pocket and I walk her with the leash held short so she's close to my side. Anytime she starts to pull I make a "shh!" sound that I learned from Cesar Millan. I then pull her back to my side. When she's walked well for a bit, I give her a treat and say, "good heel!" It's been going pretty well, but it's a work in progress.

The biggest issue is when people come to our house, or when we meet up with people while walking. Well, people or other dogs in general. She gets CRAZY. She's not aggressive in the least, she'll usually fall down to her back, tummy up, eventually. But she spends most of her time jumping up on people and dogs and barking, panting and mouthing. While walking, I've been getting her to sit as I see people approaching our path. When she's sitting nicely, I reward her with a treat. Sometimes, she lets the people pass without incident. Others.....well, not so much.

When people come to our house, she jumps all over them at the door, barking and spinning in circles. I've asked people not to touch her or pat her until she's sitting, as my family does when we enter as well. There are times where that never happens as she never does calm down.

I know she probably needs to run more, a happy dog is a tired dog, right? We're also working on her recall. She probably also needs more people and dog socialization. The thing is, we're new to the city and we don't really have a lot of visitors. I guess it means taking her out to enclosed parks where she can play but not escape. Not that I know where to find those, either.

We've never been dog owners before, and we're learning right along with her. I'd like some dog whisperer to come in and train her and me too. I just want a dog that's polite and well behaved and not giving quite SO much love to everybody she comes into contact with on the street! I know it's also partly that she's a puppy and she needs time to mature.

If any of you have tips, tricks, thoughts, recommendations-bring 'em on! We need HELP. She's a great dog and we love her to bits, we just want others to love her too!

But really, who COULDN'T love THIS face?

Twitter Partay Virgin

Last night I took part in my first Twitter party via SoConnected. I cannot believe, since becoming more involved in Twitter, how much it has consumed my time. I don't deem that a bad thing, but my family might disagree.

I had warned them that for three hours last evening I would be busy. I told them what the party was and why I was joining. I think I could hear them collectively blinking in the silence that followed my statement.

At the appointed time, I joined up on Tweetchat, snacks and drink at the ready. I can honestly say, WOAH! I had not expected the rushing influx of posts and replies. I could barely keep up. After tweeting out a loud HEEEELLP to the Twitter Universe at large, I got responses telling me to just chill and enjoy and not worry about keeping up or following every single post. Phew.

My husband came down at one point, and I heard the blinking a second time. His entrance in to the room may have even included some cricket sounds. He saw me sitting at my lap with my blackberry in my hand. Yes, I was following along with both. I had Tweetchat on my laptop and was responding to individual mentions on my phone. I know. I'm smooth like that.

I was on Twitter for three, count 'em, hours. I talked to a lot of different people and laughed at a bunch of hilarious answers to the questions posed to us. I ended up adding quite a few people to follow, and had many new friends added to mine. I also made plans (well, sort of invited myself but hey, I'm not known for being subtle) to meet up with some new friends for lunch, or whatever else. I also put my blog out there, which was part of my joining up with Twitter in the first place.

All in all? I did not win a single prize. Anyone who knows me also knows that is not a huge surprise. I don't win prizes. If there was a way to LOSE prizes, I'd be the grand winner at THAT though! Watch out! I did, however, make a lot of contacts and had a lovely time.

I'm exhausted today after crawling into bed around 2am and keeping myself awake til 3am with my brain on hyper drive. Losing my Twitter Partay virginiy wasn't painful at all. I was a bit anxious, a bit unsure, but once there-it was all good. In fact, it was so good, that post-coital, it just made me want to do it all over again.

See you at the next one Tweeps!

Fever-Not The Saturday Night Kind

My kids are fever aficionado's. As soon as a mere scent of a germ enters our home, it's fever time. My sister's kids barely ever get fevers. What's up with that? I even asked my doctor once why that is and her reply was twofold. One, I had a febrile convulsion as a child and basically, am prone to fever. I got fevers both deliveries of my girls. Whenever I got ill as a child, my Mom would find me hallucinating (I kid you not) and beet red faced. So, it's likely a genetic temperature setting thing. By the way, that wasn't how my doctor described it but she was all medical and stuff and who the heck knows how to rephrase that accurately.

The second thing she said was that she'd rather see someone get fevers than not. Apparently, it's a good thing because it means your body is fighting infection. Yay antibodies!

But back to my kid.

My daughter went on a play date last week. The Mom said she'd been deathly ill over Christmas and her son had had a cold, but they were both all good and the house had been super sterilized. I know this Mom and trust me, she Javex'ed the whole place. I didn't think there would be any harm. Hmpf, looks like I'm the idiot. There's a surprise!

Yesterday my youngest came home from school just not looking like herself. I figured it's the "back to school routine" fatigue and tell her to chill out and watch a show. It was a dance night so I thought a little rest, dinner and we'd be good to go again. Nope. Wrong again Einstein!

She fell asleep hard and woke up red faced. She said she wasn't hungry and she didn't think she could go to dance. Yep, it was fever time.

She was home with me today, and other than the 104 fever and fatigue, she seems alright. She had a bit of a headache and her stomach hurt, but she ate and sang and even danced a bit-so I don't think it was that bad. Yet, the fever persists.

I guess it means she's fighting something in there and of course I'm glad it's not worse. I just hate these crazy high temps seemingly for no reason.

It's a good excuse to spend the day in my bed with her, eating dry Cheerios and watching kids shows I love. (ie Phineas and Ferb) We also did quite a bit of snuggling and laughing.

I guess fevers aren't ALL bad when I get a day with my wee girl. Let's just hope she doesn't start hearing the people arguing in the corner. What? You don't hear that when you're temperature is soaring? Guess that's just me, then.

Magnetic Pull Of The Loo

As everyone was busy doing their own things tonight, I seized the opportunity to stealthily sneak into what I imagined as a languorous, hot, delicious shower. I stepped into the bathroom and almost rubbed my hands in anticipation as I got out gels and lotions. As I stood under the steaming water, I began to hear voices nearby. So, it had begun again. They found me.

I don't know what it is about every time I step into the bathroom. I used to take my kids in with me when they were small so I could keep an eye on them, so maybe that's what started it. Now, however, I'd like it to end.

It doesn't matter if I'm in there a short time or a long time. Either way, I can guarantee a knock or two, followed by just busting right in to talk to me. It's like there's a gravitational pull that only works when it's Mommy in the can. Everyone can be totally ignoring me for hours, until I step foot in the loo.

It's even trickled down to the dog now! If I go in and close the door, she'll come scratch outside until I let her in, where she'll promptly lie at my feet. It perhaps wouldn't bother me as much if I was an "all out there" kind of gal. I'm not. I'm the girl that changes in the cubicles at the gym. I wait to get home to shower. My kids have never, and I repeat NEVER, seen me in any form of undress. Well, that's not true. They've seen me sitting on the throne plenty o'times.

If I step into the shower, they suddenly have a question or concern. If I need to "go" they have to tell me something immediately.

One solution would be to lock the door. However, I've tried this method and it just prolongs the interaction! They start banging, talking loudly, knocking and repeatedly twisting the handle.

I've begun to wonder if I'll ever have privacy again. Will I ever just be left to have some lady time in the john?

I'm hoping the magnetic pull towards the bathroom lessens as the girls age. I'm holding out for the teen years where payback will be mine as they try to finagle private time in the boudoir as only a teen girl can do. I'm SURE I'll have many a conversation that just NEEDS to take place right then at that time. It'll be a captive audience that way, just as I'm hostage to their pleas now. They'll have to learn that it never pays to mess with a woman and her toilette.

For now, I guess it's modesty be damned!

Pictures Vs Mirrors

I remember back in the day thinking that I needed to lose another ten to fifteen pounds and then I'd be happy. I wouldn't be perfect, well, because I'm tall with long legs but have no waist/hips/butt really, and a large chest. Those, my friends, are not model proportions. My beautiful sister got those measurements. (darn her!)



Today, on Facebook, my sister added some photos from around that time period. It was a time when I thought I looked pretty good, but the mirror told me I wasn't quite there yet. However, looking at them now, I'd give anything to be that size again! What was WRONG with my head?



As women, are we EVER truly satisfied? I have friends that have lost 100+ lbs. That's amazing and jaw dropping. They look fantastic. When they look in the mirror though? They don't see that new, slim woman. They still try on clothes several sizes too large and they still think they could look better. What????



It scares me a little that this constant cycle of "not enough" will never end. Frankly, that's exhausting! I don't want to continue to beat myself up and that's why I try to focus more on being the healthiest me I can be, as opposed to the slimmest. I really have to keep that goal marker in mind as I embark once again on this journey. Hopefully, for the last time.



I want to look in the mirror and not see flaws or numbers on a scale or even measurements. I know they'll never be quite what magazines or celebrities tell me they should be. (I mentioned my lack of waist already!) I just want to see strength and confidence. I want to feel comfortable in my own skin regardless of the false images or the crazy voice in my head. Even more than that, I want my girls to grow up seeing a true reflection of all that makes them who they are, and not as compared to others.



I don't need to ask the mirror who is the fairest of them all, or the skinniest. I just need to truly SEE my own reflection and not a circus image. Is that asking too much? Is it even possible? Is going back to that size what it really takes to embrace yourself, knowing from where you just came? I guess these are questions I'll only have answers to when I'm there.



For now, you can check out these groovy photos of me back in the day.

Don't Play Coy When It Comes To Fat!

Let me preface this by saying, (and mostly so I don't get a ton of comments preaching) that I know weight loss is achieved and sustained with good old fashioned portion control and exercise. We all "know" that fact. However, it doesn't stop the weight loss industry from raking in the dough, now does it? Nor, apparently, does it stop me from trying every trick, fad and gimmick out there-even though my sane self knows better.

Here's the thing though, I think when you've lost a ton of weight and it's obvious for all to see, you have a moral obligation to share your tricks and tips. That's right, I said it! I think you are MORALLY OBLIGATED. C'mon, it's just fair. As a former struggling dieter, you know we all want to know the HOW and we hope that some of what you did will work for us. Why, then, are some people so stingy and cryptic about their success?

Someone I know has lost a bunch of weight, and so has her husband. They've lost it, it seems, pretty rapidly too. I figure they've done Bernstein or something but what do I know? A bunch of people asked her what they were doing, adding of course that they look great. Her response? " Salads and running." Umm, vague much? It's not that I disbelieve that eating salad or running could result in that kind of loss, but I'm sure there is more to it than that. I also don't understand what the deal is with not sharing "the secret" so that others can profit? Is it because you're embarrassed that you had weight to lose? Is there some secret oath that once at ideal weight you can no longer speak of dieting?

I love the people who have lost a significant amount and shout it from the rooftops. They want anybody and everybody to know the how, what, when and why. They want everyone to experience the success, joy, energy and vitality that they are now feeling. They finally got it and they want to help others to get there too. They understand that even though we all KNOW the right way to lose weight, we still need a plan, encouragement, and pointers. If we didn't, diet books wouldn't sell like, well, hotcakes.

I just don't get the coy act and the quick non-descriptive answers to "how'd you do it?" Don't just tell me to eat a salad and go for a run. Tell me what you ate every single day for a week and how you started the running component and what worked best for you and what totally failed. I'm a detail person who likes organization and a plan. Abstract answers and concepts just make me see red.

Listen, we all know you had weight to lose. We all are happy you lost it and are looking and feeling fab. We don't want to steal your thunder or gossip about you behind your back. We want help with OUR back.....sides. So give some much needed aid to a frustrated dieter in need next time they ask you that dreaded question. You may very well be setting somebody else off on the path that will lead them to where you are now-and isn't that a good, pay it forward kind of thing?

Resolutions=One Bite At A Time

I read constantly, whether online or actual paper books. (gasp!) I gather so much information in my wee head that sometimes I forget from where it came. So, if I got this from you, jump in and lay your claim! I'm not stealing your thunder, just your idea!

Every year I make a long list of "New Year's Resolutions." I can go back a few years and see the same ones, actually. Why? They never came to fruition. By mid-February I'm overwhelmed by my list and by the fact that I've not accomplished one single thing on it.

Then, I read The Idea. I thought it was brilliant, and I'm going to try and put it into practice myself this year. The concept is that instead of making an unattainable list, you break it down and only make one resolution per MONTH. The chance of actually meeting one goal each month is more realistic than an imposing and long tally. Then, just maybe, at the end of the year, you'll have met TWELVE resolutions as opposed to one or two. (or um, none.)

The unimaginable part is that while I have a mile long "To Do" list for certain events coming up, or vague ideas of things I'd like to happen, I don't really have a 12 item long list of resolutions. January's resolution will also encompass the next few months, and it's sort of a stepping stone into other goals.

So, let's start there. Resolution number 1 is on my agenda for this month. I will update you as soon as I've placed that ever elusive "check" by it's title and move on to February.

What do you think? Does one resolution a month work better for you, or are you a die-hard traditionalist who prefers a list? Or maybe, do you not make resolutions at all?