Today, on Facebook, my sister added some photos from around that time period. It was a time when I thought I looked pretty good, but the mirror told me I wasn't quite there yet. However, looking at them now, I'd give anything to be that size again! What was WRONG with my head?
As women, are we EVER truly satisfied? I have friends that have lost 100+ lbs. That's amazing and jaw dropping. They look fantastic. When they look in the mirror though? They don't see that new, slim woman. They still try on clothes several sizes too large and they still think they could look better. What????
It scares me a little that this constant cycle of "not enough" will never end. Frankly, that's exhausting! I don't want to continue to beat myself up and that's why I try to focus more on being the healthiest me I can be, as opposed to the slimmest. I really have to keep that goal marker in mind as I embark once again on this journey. Hopefully, for the last time.
I want to look in the mirror and not see flaws or numbers on a scale or even measurements. I know they'll never be quite what magazines or celebrities tell me they should be. (I mentioned my lack of waist already!) I just want to see strength and confidence. I want to feel comfortable in my own skin regardless of the false images or the crazy voice in my head. Even more than that, I want my girls to grow up seeing a true reflection of all that makes them who they are, and not as compared to others.
I don't need to ask the mirror who is the fairest of them all, or the skinniest. I just need to truly SEE my own reflection and not a circus image. Is that asking too much? Is it even possible? Is going back to that size what it really takes to embrace yourself, knowing from where you just came? I guess these are questions I'll only have answers to when I'm there.
For now, you can check out these groovy photos of me back in the day.
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