Friday, January 28, 2011

Talking Me Down From The Ledge

I had a bit of a breakdown the other day.

I was supposed to weigh in on Monday and totally forgot with all of the running around we had to do. I forgot again on Tuesday. Finally, on Wednesday, after already drinking my smoothie, I stepped on the scale.

This, after eating clean and exercising for two weeks.

I was shocked and horrified to see that the scale had not moved one iota. Frantic now, I took my measurements. They were also the same.

Tears in my eyes, I took to email and Twitter and reached out to friends, mostly just to commiserate, but also to get some encouragement. In that moment, I was about to eat a whole bag of cookies since really, what did it all matter???

Luckily for me, I know some pretty great people.

Right away, comments and emails started flying about just keeping the focus. There were reminders that the goal is to be healthy and strong, not "skinny." I had friends keep me in balance by checking if I was feeling good, if I was eating well, if I was feeling better about myself in general. I was doing and feeling all of those things.

Many, many, many individuals told me simply to throw the scale out and not worry about the "number." My very wise friend told me that the number on that scale might never feel enough and that it may lead to constant self-loathing if I never quite reach it.

I had a good cry and let myself feel the frustration. I MAY have cursed my crappy genetics once again.

Then, I had a huge salad for lunch and laced up my sneakers.

I'm so glad I reached out, as cheesy as that may seem. My eating is so tied to emotion that it can easily go awry when I'm down. My friends and tweeps and family all did just what I had hoped they would; they supported me and refocused me and gave me a kick in the pants. They helped me get my mind back on track to health, not numbers or vanity.

So, I'm plugging away and feeling determined. I know I have to be accountable to myself and it really all boils down to me. However, I also know that having a support network of people in your corner, truly rooting for you and wishing for the best for you, is also of utmost importance and gives me strength to carry on.

So, thanks. I appreciate you all more than I can express. I will also likely be calling on you all again, and again, and again.

I hope you're up for it, as well!

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