I Take It All Back!!

Remember the other day when I was having a Mommy Breakdown Moment?? I was lamenting not wanting to give up any of my time with my girls, but also wondering about "me" time and pursuing my own dreams and goals?

Well, I had a few friends write to me after that and commiserate. Many Moms wrote me to say they knew exactly how I felt and that being a Mom was one of the toughest jobs out there. They went on to relay how as Moms, we give up so much of ourselves for our families. We sacrifice body, sleep, food, comfort. We sacrifice our wants so that our kids can have camps and sports and crafts. We give up our time for them. And we all complain about it, but truth be told, we'd all do it again.

But one friend smacked me right in the face with a sobering reminder. She said, "In the end, we have our kids such a short period of time! I hate to rub this in your face Trace, but in five years, your oldest is going to be fifteen and will be going out and having her own fun-without you." SNAP!

She's a smart lady, that friend.

My eldest will be fifteen in five years. Woah. I know intellectually I obviously KNEW that. I can count!! (well, sort of) But it had never hit me the way it did when I read her words. Last night, I once again couldn't sleep (I have issues, folks) and I lay there with tears pouring down my face thinking about my kids becoming teenagers and spending more time away from home(and me) than with us as a family. I thought about them growing up and going to University and "leaving the nest" and it felt truly bittersweet. I want them to be independent and strong and confident women. I love every minute of watching them grow and learn. (okay, maybe not "every" minute) I may complain about things, about my time, about daily life struggles, but I truly love being with them as well. They ARE my world.

And it made me realize how fast time flies. I remember watching my niece when she was two. She's seventeen now. It seems to me from age ten on, the time moves even more quickly. They go from ten to pre-teen to teen in the blink of an eye. And oh how I hope my daughters, while pursuing their own dreams and goals, still like being with their old Mom. I hope they will still share their lives with me.

As I wiped my eyes and cursed my silly melodramatics, all the while blaming fatigue, I wished I could freeze time. I wished that I could, instead of lamenting these times, stand them still and keep us all in the closeness that we share now. But that's not how life works. It would stifle all that is to come- all of the beauty and joy and experience and heartache that we all have to live in the upcoming years.

The key is to quit being sorrowful about what has been lost or sacrificed, and to concentrate on the little moments I get every day with my girls. My friend is right. She DID rub it in. And I needed it to be done to wake up to all that I have with my girls RIGHT NOW, in THIS moment.

Thanks Ally.